Even though this website is an attempt to enable people to use the forgiveness processes even if they have no access to an experienced guide, it can still be useful to you to know what a guide would be doing, - then you can do these functions for yourself. Also, when you come to share these skills with others, you will find yourself in the role of the guide.
As a guide you help the forgiver be disidentified (i.e. to be a detached yet compassionately understanding and loving observer of their own sensations, feelings and thoughts). You faithfully watch over him/her as s/he creates a distance between their observing "self" and their "in-the-world self".
Sitting beside the forgiver reduces transference and countertransference.
You remain identified with your own Soul, Higher Self, or Naphsha, unconditionally loving and supportive of the forgiver, yet firmly centred on the purpose of the forgiver to complete the forgiveness processes.
You help the forgiver to progressively lift their consciousness until they are identified with their Higher Self level of consciousness, for it is here that forgiveness takes place. You must hold the precious truth about the forgiver (and the one being forgiven!) - that s/he too is a Higher Self, capable of unconditional love and forgiveness - even when the connection with their Higher Self is temporarily weak or lost.
You help to evoke the Will of the forgiver - for example "Are you ready for the next step?" keeps the forgiver in charge of the process, enabling them to go at their own speed.
An important role is to help the forgiver, if they stumble on the way and want to back off from forgiveness. Sometimes this is because of a misunderstanding about the nature of forgiveness (See Demythologising forgiveness - truths and untruths). Sometimes it is because they have not realised fully, or have forgotten, that to not forgive is to perpetuate their own suffering. They may need reminding.
You maintain an atmosphere of joyfulness and partnership. This work is amongst the most beautiful that anyone can do, and a great privilege. There is no need for it to be sorrowful or "hard work".
Sharing this work with another may give you a sense of awe, beauty, and humility. It certainly did for me.
At an advanced Forgiveness Workshop in Adelaide, South Australia, people with experience in psychosynthesis and with experience in using the forgiveness processes with themselves and in guiding others, were invited to come up with ideas for self-assessment of guiding skills. This is what they came up with:
Did I as the Guide:-
1. Use the qualities the trainee's group decided were essential in a guide/teacher, namely, Abilii, Kenoota, Khooba, Rukha, Makikh. Did I maintain connection with my Higher Self, and keep my personality aligned with the Higher Self as an instrument for healing for the forgiver in alignment with the forgiver's soul purpose?
(I suggested we add the sixth quality of Clear Communication and Understanding to this list).
2. Keep the forgiver focussed on the task throughout?
3. Probe deeply enough into the negative beliefs systems, the layers, for clarity and awareness?
4. Return the forgiver to the use of "you" in the preference statements to avoid gossip about the other person ("he", "she")?
5. Insist that the forgiver be specific, full and complete enough about the preferences? Insist that the forgiver learn the skill of Clear Communication of their needs?
6. Avoid getting involved with my own "stuff" if there was any similarity or "resonance" between my life history and either the forgiver's or the life of the one being forgiven? Were there any transference, counter-transference or countertransference issues?
7. Ensure that the forgiver learns to separate out their values, benefits, burdens, feelings, beliefs, preferences, and the deep values underlying the preferences?
8. Pin the forgiver down to details, events, to being specific, eliminating vagueness?
9. Use a nurturing tone of voice and manner?
10. Enable the forgiver to experience the differences that come with different kinds of language forms and "inner speech", thus moving the forgiver in the direction of Right Speech?
11. Use humour and lightness wisely?
12. Understand and use skilfully the Third Person (name of the forgiver) in the meditation stage of the forgiveness process?
13. Ensure healing of each of the emotionally distressing memories discovered?
14. Bring each of the negative beliefs up for "wisdom upgrade" by the Higher Self
15. Non-verbal: Watch the forgiver closely during the meditation stage for clues and keep pace with them (ie. use accurate empathy)? Head positioning in the Healing of the Emotional Nature?
16. Use the information gathered from the history creatively during the meditation process? (ie use my own intuition skilfully)?
17. Use the Goodwill Patterns creatively with the client?
18. Live them and the Forgiveness Process in my own life?
19. Understand meridians, the "domino effect" and can I use the inner Flame test, will-to-Wellness test with discernment?
20. Have the right intention in being a guide?
21. How do I rate myself on each of these?
22. How could I do it better next time?
23. What is the order of importance of the above for me at this time?
24. Which should I give priority in my self-development as a Guide?
Link here to return to Forgiveness Programme - Contents