FORGIVER, say or write:-

 "For whatever reason, you didn't meet my expectations, or were not able to.

I have had enough of being uncomfortable.

I can see how things unhealed between us may keep coming up in my relationships with you or others until I have healed my reactions to them. (i.e. with the forgiveness process).


I am choosing to be free.

I now will to heal the effects of these incidents.

I am choosing to be free of the pain I have let it all cause me.

I now accept that what happened was different from the way I would have chosen".

Can you "own" this acceptance of past history? 100%? If not, what holds you back? Check out your notes and what you did when you mobilised your will to forgive in Steps One to Four:

Step One - Understand the definition of the forgiveness process

Step Two - Weighing up your deep and superficial values to increase motivating force available for the process

Step Three - Weighing up Benefits and Burdens

Step Four - Making the Choice and Decision to Forgive.

Do you want the benefits to you which will come from completing the forgiveness process, or do you really want to hold on to the burdens of unforgiveness? Do you want to be "right" or do you want to be healthy? Do you want to be an unconditionally loving person, or do you want to stay resentful, with all the damage that will do to your system?

Are you stuck still with some misunderstanding of the true nature of the forgiveness process? Revisit the section on truths and Untruths at Demythologising forgiveness - truths and untruths

Take your time with Step Nine.

If you have a serious problem with a subpersonality called "The Saboteur" then this may need to be worked with. See "The commonest obstacles to the forgiveness processes" for further ideas as to how to do this. In the end, however, complete healing of such an obstructive subpersonality will usually need you to forgive the person who could not or did not meet your needs at the time you created it.

Are you ready for the next step?

If so go on to Step Ten Forgiveness = Cancelling all conditions and demands

Link here to return to Forgiveness Programme - Contents