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Dave Barry Gift Guide






Posted on Sun, Dec. 01, 2002 story:PUB_DESC
BODY STAPLER KIT
Ouchies! Staple those pesky cuts and lascerations shut with the Body Stapler Kit.
Ouchies! Staple those pesky cuts and lascerations shut with the Body Stapler Kit.

$22.99 plus shipping and handling from Cabela's, One Cabela Dr., Sidney, Neb. 69160, phone: 800-237-4444, fax: 800 496-6329, Internet: http://www.cabelas.com/

Suggested by Don Dustin of Boulder, Colo.

If there is any one item in this year's Gift Guide that expresses the fun and festive spirit of the holiday season, it is this disposable body stapler kit.

This is designed for the hunter or other outdoorsperson who is out in the wilderness when he develops a serious cut or laceration from being gored by an irate deer, or being accidentally shot by another outdoorsperson who has mistaken him for game, or stabbing himself while attempting to open a can of beans with a hunting knife the size of a harpoon.

If anything like this happens to the lucky outdoorsperson on your holiday gift list, all he has to do is take out his or her Body Stapler Kit, staple his or her wound closed, scream, pass out on the ground and be eaten by snakes. At least that's what we would do.

As a bonus, this kit, according to the Cabela's catalog, is ''great for treating cuts on your dog as well.'' We bet it is! Here, boy!

The Body Stapler Kit comes with a staple remover and a ''handy carrying pouch.'' Interestingly, it does NOT come (at least the one we got didn't) with instructions. But our feeling is, if you need instructions to staple your wounds closed, you were not much of an outdoorsperson to begin with.

So this holiday season, give the gift that expresses the following sentiment: ''AIIEEEEEEEE.'' Give the Body Stapler Kit.

THE GIFTS  
  • DUCT TAPE PURSES
  • FAKE-BRANCH HEADWEAR2
  • KITTY FUN BARBIE
  • CHOCOLATE PHOTOGRAPH
  • SEASHELL TOILET SEAT
  • INSPIRATIONAL SPORTS STATUES
  • GIFT GUIDE LITERARY SECTION
  • FLATULENCE TELEPHONE
  • NATURE'S PLATFORM TOILET-SQUATTING DEVICE
  • FESTIVE SHOTGUN SHELL HOLIDAY LIGHTS
  • BODY STAPLER KIT
  • ''DADDLE'' CHILD-AMUSEMENT DEVICE
  • BATHROOM TENNIS
  • THEME CASKETS
  • MAGNETIC FAST FLAMES
  • BACK TO MAIN PAGE
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