How To Become Spiritually Awakened

Sitting at the feet of the great disciples of Bhagavan Sri Ramakrishna, the religion that we learnt taught us not to be egocentric, but to be dedicated to the service of the Lord in man. Some words of Swami Vivekananda come to my mind always. From America he wrote, and these were also the last lines in his reply to the Madras address, `First let us ourselves be gods and then help others to be gods.' Swamiji put this idea before us in another form: each one of us should lead our life in such a way, that we attain to our spiritual realisation, freed from all bonds. Not only that, we must also be able to promote the welfare of others. The ideal is, that in the innermost core of our being, we have to realise the God-head; again, we have to experience Him as manifest in all. Out of this realisation of his have come into existence all the various forms of service of the Ramakrishna Movement: Medical Service, Educational Service, Preaching and Publication. The ideal is to serve the Divine in others. Just as we ourselves try to be free we should also try to help others to be free.

I would like to read to you some passages from the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna.

A Devotee: "Sir, is it necessary to have a Guru?"

Master: "Yes, many need a Guru. But a man must have faith in the Guru's words ...

"One should constantly repeat the name of God. The name of God is highly effective in the Kaliyuga. The practice of Yoga is not possible in this age, for the life of man depends on food. Clap your hands while repeating God's name, and the birds of your sin will fly away.

"One should always seek the company of holy men. The nearer you approach the Ganges, the cooler the breeze will feel. Again, the nearer you go to a fire, the hotter the air will feel.

"But one cannot achieve anything through laziness and procrastination. People who desire worldly enjoyment say about spiritual progress: `Well, it will all happen in time. We shall realise God sometime or other.'

"It is said that, in the Kaliyuga, if a man can weep for God one day and one night, he sees Him.

"Feel piqued at God and say to Him: `You have created me. Now you must reveal yourself to me.' Whether you live in the world or elsewhere, always fix your mind on God.

"Go forward. The wood-cutter, following the instructions of the holy man, went forward and found in the forest sandalwood and mines of silver and gold; and going still farther, he found diamonds and other precious stones.

"The ignorant are like people living in a house with clay walls. There is very little light inside, and they cannot see outside at all. But those who enter the world after attaining the knowledge of God are like people living in a house made of glass. For them inside and outside are light. They can see things outside as well as inside.

"Nothing exists except the One. That One is the Supreme Brahman."

Why Do We Not Make Progress?

As in our worldly affairs so also in the world of the Spirit there must be systematic practice. We all must be able to prepare ourselves, so that we may be in the proper mood to follow the spiritual path. Many of you might know this story: Sri Ramakrishna had a great disciple, Saint Durgacharan Nag - Naga Mahashaya as he used to be called. His father was very much attached to him, and again the old man used to do a lot of `Japa'. Once when he was told, `Your father is a great devotee', Naga Mahashaya replied, `What can he achieve? He is so much attached to me. An anchored boat does not move'.

There is a story behind this saying. Some drunkards, one moonlit night, took it into their heads to go on a boat ride. They went to the Ghat, hired a boat, sat at the oars and started rowing. They rowed and rowed and rowed, the whole night. Early in the morning, when the effect of the drink was gone, to their surprise they found they had not moved an inch. `What is the matter? What is the matter!' they asked. They had forgotten to raise the anchor.

I hear constant complaints from people, `We are doing our spiritual practice, but we do not make any progress'. The reply is here. At the time of your spiritual practice, are you able, at least to some extent, to free your mind from worldly matters and give your purified mind to God? That is the point. We need training in all paths. Some of you might have read Swami Vivekananda's Jnana Yoga, Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga and Raja Yoga. Whatever path one may follow, one needs discipline, proper training of the mind and creation of the proper mood. If the mind is trained and the mood is created, one can carry on one's spiritual practice with great success. Our trouble is: in worldly matters we may follow some method, but in spiritual affairs we are like children. I have seen grown-up people and big officials talking like children. So an inner personality is to be built up. Many of us are persons but have no personality. We are individuals, but have no individuality. Through moral practice, through fulfilment of duties, through regular worship, a spiritualised personality is to be built up. It is then that our spiritual practice becomes fruitful. Our prayers and meditation will prove to be a source of great blessing. I repeat, in all the paths, in all of the Yogas, disciplines are necessary. If I follow Karma Yoga, my mind must be comparatively calm. I must try to be detached from the things of the world and from the fruits of my Karma. I must try to dedicate the work to God. If I follow Bhakti Yoga, I must have a great yearning for God. It is a spiritual hunger that cannot be appeased by anything in the world. Through prayer, through Japa, through meditation and ultimately through Divine contact, the spiritual seeker appeases this spiritual hunger and finds Peace and Bliss in Divine realisation. Many want to follow Jnana Yoga, but the mind is to be trained so that it can follow the path of extreme self-analysis - `I am not the body; I am not the mind; I am not the ego nor the senses; I am the spirit.' Our teachers of Jnana Yoga say: one must have perfect dispassion for enjoyment, dislike for any future life and power to discriminate between the real and the unreal. One must have mental discipline. One must have infinite faith (Sraddha) in the Supreme Spirit. One must be able to practise concentration.

When Concentration Becomes Beneficial

Let us remember one point. Many people say, `Oh! I am not able to practise concentration'. Knowing the persons, that their mind is not pure enough, I say to them `It is good that you don't have concentration'. If an impure mind gets concentrated, it becomes like a bombshell. Aren't we concentrated when we are angry, when we are full of hatred and jealousy? That concentration is no good. It is actually dangerous. So an amount of spiritual discipline is necessary. In the path of Yoga, Patanjali speaks of Yama and Niyama. You have to practise these disciplines as much as you can. One cannot be established in the spiritual life all of a sudden.

Ahimsa, satya, asteya, brahmacharya, aparigraha (non-dependance on others' charity) are the first disciplines; Niyama - which consists chiefly of Saucha, purity of body and mind, Santosha, contentment - has to be developed. If one is always grumbling and complaining, can one with such a mind, ever do anything successfully either in this world or in the world of the spirit? No. We must adjust to the things in this world and try to improve ourselves.

Tapas: There should be an amount of austerity in life. Without rigour in spiritual practices, each generation is becoming softer than the previous one. Nothing can be achieved by these soft people.

Swadhyaya: We study books. Does anything enter our mind! We hear a lecture and say it was wonderful; and when asked `What did you hear?' we would not be able to repeat anything. The words enter through one ear and pass out through the other. They are not retained. Swadhyaya means to reflect on what you study. Make it a part of your own. `Srotavyah': First you hear or read, then you have to reflect on what you have heard or read, i.e. `Mantavyah'. That is the way. When we are established in the moral path, to some extent, then we will surely get the benefit of spiritual disciplines.

Asana: You may sit like a statue for many hours; what do you get? Pretty nothing. At least there should be spiritual aspiration; then your sitting posture helps you in your spiritual practice.

Pranayama: In the practice of Pranayama you stop your breath. What do you gain? If it is merely a physical phenomenon, a football bladder then must be a great Yogi. What do you get by it? Nothing by itself. But when the mind is greatly disciplined, when the mind is in a spiritual mood, Pranayama helps one to rise to a higher plane of consciousness.

Praytyahara is detachment. From everything the mind is to be detached. When you are attending to some work you banish all other thoughts and give your mind to that particular object. If you fail to practise detachment you invite worries. When you go to sleep, and think of too many things, you don't get sleep, you suffer from insomnia and fall ill. The mind is to be detached from all things at will.

Similarly if you wish to meditate, what should you do? Detach your mind, as much as you can, from the things of the world; even from the pictures, the thoughts and the feelings that arise within you. But detachment should not create a vacuum in your mind. A vacant mind will fall asleep. Be wide awake. Take the name of the Lord and meditate on Him. Then there would not be any fear of falling asleep. Instead the mind will rise to a higher plane.

Dharana: Fix your mind on some divine theme and that is Dharana.

Dhyana: Fix the mind on a holy word or on a holy blissful form - that is a step to attain to what is called Dhyana or contemplation. You remain absorbed in Divine Consciousness and that leads to the higher state, the superconscious state.

But before we proceed we will ask ourselves a question and that is very vital. We identify ourselves with the body and think that we are men and women. We worship a certain Deity - Male or Female. We begin our spiritual life that way, and end also in that way; what do we gain? At the very beginning of our spiritual life, it is essential on our part to be conscious that we are all souls. The Atman, the spiritual entity, has become bound by ego, bound by the mind, bound by the senses, bound by the body. This Atman is to be freed.

Worship of God

What then is worship of God? What is the conception of God? In Europe a devotee said to me `Swami, never utter the word "God". It calls up our childhood image, viz., there is one beyond the clouds, in the Heaven, ever eager to punish those who break His laws. I cannot think of that.' I said, `All right, use the word Ishwara. I use the word Brahman.'

If we wish to worship God we must feel our nearness to Him. In a way He is the Creator, the Protector and the Destroyer. He takes things back to Himself, which we call destroying; but He is much more than that, He is the Soul of our souls, nearer than the nearest, dearer than the dearest. He comes to us as Father and Mother. He comes to us as the Guru and He comes to us also as Ista Devata - the deity chosen for worship. According to the dualistic Vedanta, and most of us should start as dualists, the soul and the over-soul - the Atman and Paramatman - are ever connected. They are ever in union; yet owing to the impurity of our mind, we become attached to the Lord's creation but not to Him. A great Western psychologist, seeing the ways of ordinary religious people, once remarked, `People do not want God. They want to use God!' They want to pray to God so that He may grant all their prayers and if He does not grant these prayers, some become sceptical and say "Oh, God does not exist, and even if He exists, He is deaf, He is blind, He does not respond". That kind of childish conception is no good. Again you want only the good God, as if He has no other task but to grant you boons.

You know, Bhagavan Sri Ramakrishna worshipped the Supreme Spirit, first in the form of Kali, a representation of the Cosmic Process. Mother with one hand is creating; with another hand She is protecting; with the third hand She is destroying; and with the fourth hand She is holding the decapitated head. This is the formal representation of what one of the Upanisadic seers said. The disciple asked the father `adhi hi bhagavo brahmeti', `Master, tell me about Brahman.' And the father replied: `Brahman is that out of which all things come into being, by which all things live and unto which all things go back.' In our Bhakti Sastras we call it Ishwara, `God', and in Vedanta we call it Sat-Chit-Ananda. He is Infinite Existence, He is Infinite Consciousness, He is Infinite Bliss. He dwells in our soul and is the Soul of our souls. Again we all dwell in Him. We must feel it, at least His nearness. But even if we cannot feel it, we should try to develop the consciousness that He is nearer than the nearest, dearer than the dearest. What is it that obstructs this consciousness? Our desires stand in the way of this spiritual awareness. So let us try to purify this mind.

Here you come across a big problem. It is the impure mind that runs after the things of the world. The pure mind naturally reflects the glory of God, moves towards Him, meditates on Him, tries to feel His Divine Presence, Love and Bliss. How to purify the mind? First of all you must avoid evil thoughts, evil feelings, evil actions, as much as you can. Entertain good thoughts, good feelings and perform good actions. That is the first step. We should always bear in mind that we are all souls, Atman. This Atman has put on a human personality, with a view to play a part in the Cosmic drama of life. Whatever be the part that is assigned to us, that part has to be played well; that means, we have to perform the duties of life and work in a spirit of detachment, as a form of service to God. But mere moral practice and the fulfilment of duties are not enough to purify the mind; we have to meditate on Him, pray to Him who is the Infinite Source of purity, of Knowledge, devotion, compassion, Love and Bliss.

Here we come to the question: How to worship God, how to pray to Him? But the conception of God is too vast. I give an illustration: We are like small bubbles. The ocean is too big for our conception. So what should we do? We find some mighty waves; let us move towards them, attach ourselves to them and in course of time we have an idea of the ocean itself. Similarly, we start our spiritual journey with one such mountain-like wave, our Ista Devata, we just worship Him, pray to Him, then we come to have a broader conception of life and a broader conception of Reality. The Ista Devata tells us `Look here. I may be a mighty wave, you may be a small bubble. But all of us have got the infinite ocean behind us'. When the proper time comes, He reveals to us the highest Truth.

Is A Guru Essential?

Now, we read in the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, a devotee asking, `Sir, is a spiritual teacher necessary?' Sri Ramakrishna replied that it is necessary for many. If there be some unique souls, born with divine consciousness, who feel the Divine presence even from their very childhood, they do not need a spiritual teacher, but all others do need. Once a devotee asked our teacher Swami Brahmananda - and I have been telling many of you to read, if you have not done so, The Spiritual Teachings of Swami Brahmananda - `Maharaj, is a Guru necessary?' and the Swami smiled and said, `My boy, even if you want to be a thief, you need a teacher. How much more should there be the necessity of a teacher when you want to know the highest truth!' You know there are gangs of pickpockets; they have to pass through a tremendous discipline and training and then only one can be an expert pickpocket.

In this connection, I wish to tell you a story: Girishchandra Ghosh, the actor and dramatist and a great devotee of Sri Ramakrishna, used to practise Homeopathy in his old age. Taking the name of the Master he would give medicine. He had naturally tremendous intuition to achieve success in his way of treatment. One day an elderly and very decent-looking gentleman was sitting by his side, when a young man came and said, `Sir, I have lost my wrist watch on my way'. The other gentleman became inquisitive and asked, `When and where did you lose it?' He said, `Sir, I lost it at such and such an hour, at such and such a place', and the man said `You will get it back'. How could he give the assurance? Because, the fine-looking gentleman was one of the leaders of the pickpockets, one of their Gurus.

I give you another instance. You want to learn Astronomy; you take a book and try to understand it; you get precious nothing! But the Astronomer says something astounding. Every day you see the sun rising and setting and here comes a man who says the sun never rises; the sun never sets; it is all due to the movement of the earth. If we believe our sense perception fully, we do not pay any heed to him. But if we do not, we have to go to him, study under him, make experiments, and then we really convince ourselves what we have seen is an illusion and it is just the truth that the sun never moves, the earth moves.

A spiritual teacher also comes and says something astounding. We are all conscious of our body. We think we are all men and women but the spiritual teacher says that we are the Spirit, distinct from the body and distinct from the mind and distinct from the ego. But if you think as many think, `He is a cheat', Lord bless you! But if you doubt sometimes, `Am I this mass of flesh, this mass of filth or is there something living in me, something living in everybody?' If you start thinking like that, your spiritual life begins. I go to a teacher who has been following the spiritual path all his life, has attained illumination, has come to possess a tremendous sympathy, love, compassion and kindness. I sit at his feet, learn from him something of spiritual disciplines and do my spiritual practices regularly. As my mind becomes purer and purer, I get something in the domain of the spirit and my Ista Devata becomes living. I feel within me a presence that permeates my being, a presence that permeates everybody.

I will tell you a story. In the Upanisads we come across `Narada Sanatkumara Samvada', a discourse between Narada and Sanatkumara. Saints are not born perfect, they have to manifest their perfection. Through sadhana they unfold their potentiality. Saints and sages do not drop from the sky. Narada had his period of true studentship, studied all branches of learning, studied the scriptures, sciences and arts. But having mastered the subjects, he found something was lacking in him. He had studied many things but had not known himself. We all are quite content to read and know of the outer world but we forget to know even a bit of ourselves. It is most unscientific. A great Western physicist has said `That to which Truth matters must have a place in reality, whatever be the definition of reality'. Without some knowledge about the subject, education is incomplete. Our world is full of half-educated people, of those who don't know themselves, who don't know anything of the higher Reality, but pose to be teachers or saviours of the world. Such persons are about to destroy the world. Now, let us come back to the anecdote: `Narada felt "I am not an Atmavit".' He felt a deep pain. He says, `Soham bhagavo sochami - (I, who have not known the Reality in me, am in great sorrow). Please remove my sorrow. Take this sorrow away from me. Give me peace.' The Guru listened to him with infinite tenderness, took him step by step, helped him to have a finer and finer mind and ultimately revealed to him the Truth. `Yo vai bhuma tat sukham nalpe sukhamasti ` That alone which is infinite is bliss. There is no Bliss in the finite.'

How To Purify Our Minds

Our trouble is that our soul longs for infinite joy, infinite love, infinite bliss. But we want, we try to find that in the finite and if we don't succeed we feel frustrated. The Guru said, `If you want real joy, unbounded joy, you have to reach the Infinite'. So the question was: What is meant by the Infinite? It is that which is everywhere - above, below, to the right and to the left. But how to reach it? Here the great ancient teacher Sanat-Kumara gives us in a nutshell the whole course of spiritual discipline. "Food should be pure. When food is pure, our nature becomes pure, and when nature becomes pure, mind becomes pure, and when the mind becomes pure, we remember our spiritual nature. Gradually we are established in spiritual consciousness and that is emancipation. That is freedom when the Self-Consciousness (Divine) has dawned, when we have realised the Infinite Spirit. Once that is done, one feels oneself one with the Infinite Spirit, and all bonds drop off. Let us now try to understand the meaning of ahara: ahara is what we take. Does it mean pure food? Pure Sattvic food? Pure vegetarian food? How far does it help? It helps a little; but unless you know how to purify the mind, nothing happens. There are plenty of wicked people who are vegetarians. What type of vegetarians are they? Lord bless them! You feed a poisonous snake with the purest of milk. It will manufacture poison, won't it? So something of our poisonous nature is to be discarded. Therefore, Shankara observes: `All right! you take pure food, but that is for the nourishment of the body. But the food that you take through the eye, through the ear, through the senses and the mind, all that food also should be pure. Then, your nature becomes pure, the subtle body becomes pure, and then comes illumination.'

Some of you might have seen the three Japanese monkeys; you know, one monkey is closing both the ears, another both the eyes and another the mouth. During my stay in Europe, in Switzerland, I came across a stone carving on the beach of the lake on which Geneva is situated. It was in a small town. There also there were the three monkeys, but with this difference, one had only one eye closed, another had only one ear closed and the third had half of the mouth closed. I was taken aback for a moment. I thought: `What is this?' Then came in a flash. I understood the meaning, `Don't see what is bad; see what is good. Don't hear what is bad; hear what is good. Don't say what is bad; say what is good.' First I thought it was an original idea. Then my mind turned to the Upanisads. There is a text, a peace chant: `Let us see what is "Bhadra" - good. Let us hear what is "Bhadra". Let us sing the glory of the Divine Spirit.' That is to be done. And, when you have done that, to some extent, the mind becomes pure. Make the best use of your vocal organ. You may make bad use of it saying some awful things. Don't do it. Take the name of the Lord - any Name that appeals to you. Meditate on any aspect that appeals to you with an amount of devotion. After some time you will find, your mind is becoming pure. The Divine Name, the Divine Form, uplifts you. Later on, you may even have a glimpse of your Ista Devata, a glimpse even of the universal Spirit.

What Is Japa And Where Is One To Meditate?

The Infinite Spirit is there but we cannot reach it. We must follow a path that helps us to reach That, higher and higher, step by step. I want to reach the snow-capped mountains; can I jump and reach it all at once? No. Swami Brahmananda says in his Spiritual Teachings: `You want to reach the roof. Do you jump to the roof? No. If you do, you fall down and break your legs. Go step by step.' So Japa, as the Master has been saying, is one of the most efficient means. But Japa is not to be done like a parrot. As you repeat the Divine Name, do the Artha-Bhavana. What is Artha-Bhavana? Dwelling on the meaning. First of all, let us think of the Luminous, Blissful Form of the Lord, i.e. the Ista Devata. Then think of Him as an embodiment of Infinite Purity, Knowledge, Devotion, Compassion, Love and Bliss. Then think He is no other than the Paramatman - the all-pervading Spirit dwelling in all beings.

We are asked to meditate in the `Lotus of the Heart'. Where is this Heart? Is it the physiological heart? We cannot do anything there. It is the consciousness that is in the Heart, the consciousness that permeates my entire body and mind. It is the consciousness of the Atman, the consciousness of the Paramatman. We have to meditate in this Chidakasa. We have to think of ourselves as the devotee, and think of the Ista Devata as the manifestation of Paramatman.

Swami Brahmananda used to tell us, "As you do your spiritual practices, you understand what is meant by the word `Heart'. First you may think of it as the `Mahakasa', external space; later, you may think of it as the cosmo-mental world." The real heart is in the Chidakasa, in the realm of pure consciousness. In that, the soul, the unit of consciousness, is eternally united with the Infinite Spirit. So you have to meditate on the Ista Devata in the inner world.

It is good to have a picture. Gaze at the picture; watch the picture. But it is much better to install your picture, the Holy form, in your inner world. Then you are not to depend on anything outside. Whenever you want, look within where your Ista Devata is seated, and pray to Him. Repeat His Divine Name; meditate on Him; first, it may be on His Form, then on His attributes, next on His infinite nature. That is how one is to progress.

Let us go back again to the Yoga aphorism of Patanjali, already referred to, wherein he tells us how to do japa. Now if I repeat the Lord's name and meditate on Him, what will happen to me? The Teacher says, "Think of the meaning - the contents, the connotation of the word." What happens if we do that? Obstacles are removed and new spiritual consciousness awakens. Now with the help of Japa and simple Dhyana, obstacles are removed. Psychologists have explained this in a remarkable way. We are always manufacturing worries and anxieties, always manufacturing evil thoughts. These evil thoughts sicken our mind and sicken our body. The more we think of holy thoughts, the more we repeat the holy harmonious sound and the more we meditate on the blissful Form of the Lord, the more the mind is set in abundant harmony. Illnesses, self-created, self-manufactured, drop off. Then harmony is established in the mind This harmony reflects itself on the body. So, to some extent physical health and mental health improve with the repetition of the Divine Name and we come to know the power of the Divine Name. With the power of meditating on the holy Form, a new spiritual consciousness that was lying hidden, that was potential, manifests itself. Then we discover that we are not just these personalities but we are all souls; and the Ista Devata is no other than the Paramatman, the source of all Peace, source of all Bliss, the source of all Love. Such is the power of the Divine Name.

What is Dhyana? We talk of meditation. You say `I am meditating'. What are you meditating on? Going on brooding over something or other? That is not what is implied by the word Dhyana. Dhyana is: when as you think of the Lord, you become absorbed in the Divine thought. But this absorption would not come all of a sudden. The Japa we do is a step towards that. Repeat the Divine Name, think of Him, and the mind becomes a little calm. Even the sound drops off. You can go on thinking of Him. Then, when God or the Ista Devata becomes more real than the things of the world, naturally the mind gets absorbed and you gradually get a taste of the Divine Presence, Love and Bliss. He may come to us in the form of the Ista Devata; as the Supreme Spirit, as Sat-Chit-Ananda, i.e. Infinite Consciousness, Infinite Love, Infinite Bliss. This is what happens if you undergo regular spiritual practice.

In the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, the Master has said, `You must have spiritual yearning'. Spiritual yearning is like hunger. When people ask me `Why should I meditate?' I say in return, `Why should you? Don't do it.' But if you had the yearning born in you, you would have come to know what spiritual hunger is. Then you could not but think of God, you could not but pray to Him, you could not but take his Divine Name and think of His glory. This hunger is to be awakened. This hunger is to be maintained. That becomes possible if you do your spiritual practice regularly. You feel the body with material food; you feed the mind through study, with thoughts. But you actually starve the soul in the midst of plenty. Do you not feel starved? The soul yearns for the Infinite Spirit; it yearns to realise the Divine Presence, Love and Bliss infinite, and we do not satisfy the yearning. But when that is done, a new life starts.

The Master has also said that holy company is necessary, company of those who are following the spiritual path, who help in strengthening us in the spiritual path, who reflect something of the Divine Glory, which we also wish to realise. That is necessary.

Follow The Right Path: Begin From The Beginning

Again the Master said, `One must follow the right path.' Suppose I am thrown in the wilderness. If I follow one path, what happens? I enter the wilderness more and more. If I follow another path, I come out of it. I am reminded of an American story. A motorist was driving at break-neck speed. He wanted to reach a certain place. He asked a schoolboy who had studied a little geography: `My son, if I go this way, shall I be able to reach the place?' `Yes Sir,' said the boy, `You will reach it.' `How far is it this way?' asked the motorist. `Sir, you will have to go 25,000 miles,' replied the boy. `If I go the other way?' `Then only two miles' was the answer. Do you follow the idea? By one path, you have to come round the world to reach the place. If you go the other way just two miles. Through proper mood, through proper attitude, if you follow the proper directions you reach the goal soon, progress is quickened. A tremendous change takes place within you. But don't try to quicken your steps too much. Go slow, but with determination, along the right path. Gradually you shall reach the highest truth. But, as I said in that illustration of climbing the snow-capped mountain, proceed step by step.

So in our spiritual practice, first comes `Pratima Puja', i.e. worshipping the Lord in some aspect with the help of a form, a symbol, a picture, or an image. Next, the repetition of the Lord's Name, thinking of Him and singing of His glory. Later on as I said, the mind gets a little absorbed; you feel the Divine presence. That is Dhyana, and Dhyana leads to the highest goal, the highest realisation. In order to move, we should proceed step by step. So the Master says, `Go forward, step by step; from the sandalwood, come to the silver mine, come to the gold mine and then come to the diamond mine'. Similarly, if we sincerely follow the spiritual path and begin from the beginning, we will reach the Truth. But, if we begin from the end, we reach nowhere. Some want to practise Advaita sadhana. I tell them, `I know nothing of Advaita sadhana: go to some other teacher.' But if you want to begin from the beginning, I can tell you something of it.

So, first of all, begin with the form-aspect. I have body consciousness, I am an embodied being. I am a person amongst persons. How can I think of the Infinite Spirit? I can't. So let me begin as Maruti said. Hanuman was asked by Sri Rama `How do you think of Me?' Hanuman said: `Lord, when I consider myself as a personality, as an embodied being, I think of myself as Your servant and You as my Master; and Lord, when I think, I am a soul distinct from the body and mind, I consider myself as a part and You as the whole. But at other moments, my Lord, when I rise above all limitations I think You are myself and I am Thyself.' So let us begin from the beginning.

Sri Ramakrishna is very practical. He speaks to us of three types of ananda: vishayananda i.e. the ananda that comes to us through the contact of the senses with the sense objects; bhajanananda, the ananda that comes to us through bhajana, through Japa, through Dhyana; and then finally comes brahmananda as the result of the realisation of the Infinite Spirit. In spiritual life let us have as much bhajanananda as we can. It is within the reach of all of us. The ananda that comes to us through Japa, through Dhyana of the Blissful Form of the Lord - let us have that. And as we have it, let us try to share this Ananda with our fellow spiritual seekers. That is why, when devotees with such a spiritual outlook meet together, they repeat the Lord's Name, sing His glory. At least for the time being they forget the troubles of the world. The mind is transported to a higher plane, something of the ananda of the Supreme Being, something of the peace of the Supreme Spirit comes into our soul, but as I said, we should not stop with that. Our great teachers used to tell us always, `as you advance, you help others to advance.' One who is illumined can alone be the real teacher; but in order to be of service to others one need not be at the beginning fully illumined. Now, I may be a student of a senior class and when teachers are lacking I can take one of the lower classes, I can be of service to those who are in the lower class. Let us not wait for fullest illumination. At every stage it is possible for us to be of service to our fellow beings.

The highest ideal, as Swami Vivekananda has said, is this: First let us ourselves be gods and then help others to be gods. If we advance to some extent, we can help others also to advance. Here comes the ideal: `To work for our own illumination and spiritual emancipation and at the same time to render service to others.' As we improve, we also help others to improve. There is a wonderful prayer. We have it in the Universal Prayers: `Let the wicked become virtuous and the virtuous attain peace - tranquillity. Let the peaceful and tranquil attain illumination and freedom. Let the free help others to become free.' Let us do it in our own humble way. As we do our spiritual practices, as we progress in our spiritual path, let us try to be of service to others. So, my own individual spiritual practice and service to others - these are the two-fold ways which will help me to attain inner purity, which will help me to attain Divine Presence, Divine Love, Divine Bliss. There is the whole of this ideal before us, and let us proceed, each one in one's own way, towards this truth, step by step; let us be sure of every inch of the ground. And as we do our spiritual practice, let us not be egocentric. Let us offer all the fruits of our labour to the Supreme Spirit. Sri Ramakrishna has said, `If we move towards God one step, He comes towards us ten steps'. It is a fact to be realised in the world of Spirit. So proceed. The Lord will protect you. The Lord will guide you. The Lord, the Supreme Spirit, will fill your heart with Divine Presence, Purity, Love and Bliss.

Let us all offer our salutations to the Supreme Spirit, who dwells in the hearts of us all. He is the Supreme Principle of Existence, the Supreme Reality, the Supreme Light and the Supreme Self. Out of this infinite, all-pervading Spirit we all have come into being; in that we rest and unto that we return. Let us for a few moments meditate on the Infinite Spirit. Let us do it each in his own way. Let us try to feel something of the Divine Presence, Divine Love, and Divine Bliss. May the All-pervading, All-Blissful Divine Spirit, the Soul of our souls protect us all. May He guide us all. May He nourish us all. May He bless us all. May the teachings that we learn become fruitful and forceful through His Grace. May peace and harmony dwell amongst us all. Om Shantih, Om Shantih, Om Shantih.

Oh! Lord, all spiritual paths are like streams leading to Thee, the one ocean of Existence, Consciousness and Bliss. Thou art our Mother. Thou art our Father. Thou art our Friend. Thou art our Comrade. Thou art our Knowledge. Thou art our Wealth. Thou are Oh Lord! our all in all. From unreality lead us to Reality. From darkness lead us to Light. From death, lead us to Immortality and Bliss. Reach us through and through - Oh Lord! May we find Thee in our heart of hearts; May we discover Thee in all our fellow-beings. May we love Thee and serve Thee in all. May we thus realise the highest goal of human life.

How To Purify Our Minds

Our trouble is that our soul longs for infinite joy, infinite love, infinite bliss. But we want, we try to find that in the finite and if we don't succeed we feel frustrated. The Guru said, `If you want real joy, unbounded joy, you have to reach the Infinite'. So the question was: What is meant by the Infinite? It is that which is everywhere - above, below, to the right and to the left. But how to reach it? Here the great ancient teacher Sanat-Kumara gives us in a nutshell the whole course of spiritual discipline. "Food should be pure. When food is pure, our nature becomes pure, and when nature becomes pure, mind becomes pure, and when the mind becomes pure, we remember our spiritual nature. Gradually we are established in spiritual consciousness and that is emancipation. That is freedom when the Self-Consciousness (Divine) has dawned, when we have realised the Infinite Spirit. Once that is done, one feels oneself one with the Infinite Spirit, and all bonds drop off." Let us now try to understand the meaning of ahara (food): ahara is what we take. Does it mean pure food? Pure Sattvic food? Pure vegetarian food? How far does it help? It helps a little; but unless you know how to purify the mind, nothing happens. There are plenty of wicked people who are vegetarians. What type of vegetarians are they? Lord bless them! You feed a poisonous snake with the purest of milk. It will manufacture poison, won't it? So something of our poisonous nature is to be discarded. Therefore, Shankara observes: `All right! you take pure food, but that is for the nourishment of the body. But the food that you take through the eye, through the ear, through the senses and the mind, all that food also should be pure. Then, your nature becomes pure, the subtle body becomes pure, and then comes illumination.'

What Is Japa And Where Is One To Meditate?

In the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, the Master has said, `You must have spiritual yearning'. Spiritual yearning is like hunger. When people ask me `Why should I meditate?' I say in return, `Why should you? Don't do it.' But if you had the yearning born in you, you would have come to know what spiritual hunger is. Then you could not but think of God, you could not but pray to Him, you could not but take his Divine Name and think of His glory. This hunger is to be awakened. This hunger is to be maintained. That becomes possible if you do your spiritual practice regularly. You feed the body with material food; you feed the mind through study, with thoughts. But you actually starve the soul in the midst of plenty. Do you not feel starved? The soul yearns for the Infinite Spirit; it yearns to realise the Divine Presence, Love and Bliss infinite, and we do not satisfy the yearning. But when that is done, a new life starts.

Follow The Right Path: Begin From The Beginning

Sri Ramakrishna is very practical. He speaks to us of three types of ananda (bliss): vishayananda i.e. the ananda that comes to us through the contact of the senses with the sense objects; bhajanananda, the ananda that comes to us through bhajana, through Japa, through Dhyana; and then finally comes brahmananda as the result of the realisation of the Infinite Spirit. In spiritual life let us have as much bhajanananda as we can. It is within the reach of all of us. The ananda that comes to us through Japa, through Dhyana of the Blissful Form of the Lord - let us have that. And as we have it, let us try to share this Ananda with our fellow spiritual seekers. That is why, when devotees with such a spiritual outlook meet together, they repeat the Lord's Name, sing His glory. At least for the time being they forget the troubles of the world. The mind is transported to a higher plane, something of the ananda of the Supreme Being, something of the peace of the Supreme Spirit comes into our soul, but as I said, we should not stop with that. Our great teachers used to tell us always, `as you advance, you help others to advance.' One who is illumined can alone be the real teacher; but in order to be of service to others one need not be at the beginning fully illumined. Now, I may be a student of a senior class and when teachers are lacking I can take one of the lower classes, I can be of service to those who are in the lower class. Let us not wait for fullest illumination. At every stage it is possible for us to be of service to our fellow beings.

Oh! Lord, all spiritual paths are like streams leading to Thee, the one ocean of Existence, Consciousness and Bliss. Thou art our Mother. Thou art our Father. Thou art our Friend. Thou art our Comrade. Thou art our Knowledge. Thou art our Wealth. Thou art Oh Lord! our all in all. From unreality lead us to Reality. From darkness lead us to Light. From death, lead us to Immortality and Bliss. Reach us through and through - Oh Lord! May we find Thee in our heart of hearts; May we discover Thee in all our fellow-beings. May we love Thee and serve Thee in all. May we thus realise the highest goal of human life.

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Pain Must Have A Stop

Reprinted, with grateful thanks, from

`Vedanta Kesari', May 1965.

Although the True nature of man as defined by the Upanisads is Absolute, Infinite, and has the attributes of pure existence, pure consciousness, and pure joy, we find most commonly that we are neither happy and free from pain, nor secure and free from fear, nor all-knowing and free from ignorance. Ordinarily, when life is miserable and we are racked with pain and feel shrunken by oppressions, we could laugh at the idea that there is anything absolute and free about us. Why is this?

Pain is there as an opposite to pleasure and is experienced by the mind of an embodied soul (jiva) which is conditioned by desires and ignorance. Pain exists only for him, the individual. For on the Universal level spoken of by the Upanisads there is neither pleasure nor pain. By clinging to pleasures and identifying himself with body and mind, the individual (jiva) causes a kind of imbalance where he experiences now pleasure and now pain in their full intensity. But on the universal level (Cosmic Mind or God) these two can be said to have neutralised each other so that neither is experienced. Thus during the period of his life when Sri Ramakrishna had the painful throat cancer he said: `I notice that when my mind is united with God the suffering of the body is left aside.'

The desires and ignorance which cause the imbalance and individuality have no existence apart from the mind, and the mind again, has no existence apart from the soul (atman) - like waves which are not separate from the ocean although they may each have an individual form. Therefore jivahood - the individualised state with its pleasures and pains - is experienced in mind alone. But mind per se is unconscious and unintelligent and derives the attributes of consciousness and intelligence by reflection from the soul which alone is pure consciousness. It is only by conjunction of the mind with the soul that jivahood and pain are experienced. And conjunction occurs due to ignorance of the true nature of the soul - and this in turn brings in its train egoism, attachment, aversion, and attachment to life which are the afflictions (kleshas) and the direct cause of pain. These, again, are not to be found in the soul but only in the mind. Each time there is a perception, feeling or thought there is a reaction in the mind like a wave and when the embodied soul (jiva) identifies itself with this there arises ego and personality with their inherent desires and aversions. These in turn bring into being the causal chain of karma, and one painful situation is the cause of another.

Two main ways are given for the cure. One is the way of knowledge (jnana) by the practice of discrimination between the true Reality and the apparent one, renunciation of all elements of the apparent reality which he finds to be the non-Self, and by meditation. It is the wilful withdrawal of the reflected consciousness from the mirror of the mind-waves. This results in the disjunction of the true Self or soul from the body-mind mechanism and man abides in his own blissful nature, full of peace and free from pain. Such a mind, deprived of its reflected consciousness, ceases to exist as mind and no longer has any relation to personality or ego. Then the question of pain does not arise, for where there is no ego there can be no pain.

A modification of this method is given in the Upanisads and by Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras, which consists in the conscious entity - the Self - taking the position of a witness of phenomena and being aware that in any perception, feeling or experience the Reality is not to be found in the experience but in the experiencer, the feeler, and the perceiver. That is, what is seen is not the Real but the seer (the conscious Self) is the Real; what is heard is not the Real but the hearer is the Real; what is felt is not the Real but the feeler is the Real; what is thought is not the Real but the thinker is the Real - He is the witness, the True, the inner controller. Thus there is no involment in, participation of, or attachment to the experience and neither pleasure nor pain will be experienced as such. The waves of the mind deprived of the power of the Self will subside and cease to be troublesome.

Here the question may arise as to what happens to the pain-bearing karma remaining in the mind of one who has accomplished disjunction or the position of a witness? The answer is that this cannot be accomplished until the mind is purged of that kind of karma. That is, the impression of inertia and indolence (tamas) and those of selfish action, ambition and violence (rajas) must have been removed and only the tranquil (sattvic) condition remains.

Again, we may think that since pain is the result of the accumulated karma from the past resulting from the action based upon ignorance and desire, it might be possible for one to create such a karma through virtuous and selfless action that eventually one may be free from pain altogether. But pain can at best be only attenuated by this means, for as long as one functions in the body and mind there will remain some kind of pain. There is what Patanjali calls `guna-vrtti-virodha' - the interplay and counteraction of the gunas, the forces of nature which now cause pleasure and again cause pain.

The second way to cope with pain is by love and devotion to God (bhakti). By directing these feelings to God pain is transformed and sublimated. The mind-waves are identified with God by means of a strong feeling of love for Him in a relationship of mother, father, friend, servant, child or beloved. The mind thus concentrated on God becomes pure and sattvic, and the tamasic and rajasic modifications which cause our pains are overpowered and merge in the ruling emotion of love. Not that one does not feel pain any longer, but pain is accepted with good grace (and sometimes with joy) as coming from the Beloved. For God as the all-in-all is not only the creator and preserver of the universe but also the destroyer and He who gives life and brings joy and happiness is also He who brings pain, misery and death. The true devotee receives both opposites with equal love and grace. We often find this standpoint expressed in Christian mystical literature. For example, Jean Pierre de Caussade states,

`To suffer in sweetness and in peace without offering any resistance is to suffer in the right way ... You are to thank God, as though for a grace, for what you suffer meanly and weakly ... these God-wrought calamities, if rightly viewed, are worth more than all worldly prosperity. For they are over in a moment while their fruits are eternal.' And, writing to a friend, `When I think of the infinite value of your present tribulations I dare not wish for them to end; what I do wish is that you shall be kept in a continual state of sacrifice and self-abandonment, or at least, that you shall strive after this, yearn for it and unceasingly beseech God for it. When our hearts are thus inclined, our wise employment of tribulations and afflictions advances our eternal welfare more than do successes and consolations.'1

Meister Eckhart says,

`We need not fear all the pain and trouble that could come, because it is going to have an end ... We are to be so dead that neither good nor evil affect us ... Life cannot be perfected until it has returned to its secret source, where life is Being, a life the soul receives when it dies down to its roots, so that we may live that life yonder which itself is being.'2

This is not to imply that one should actually court pain or seek it out, for that would be a kind of morbid and pathological practice. But when pain comes as the inevitable effect of previous karma one should be resigned to God - that is, one concentrates the mind on God rather than on the pain or the ego-reaction of depression, frustration, anger, etc. Thus pain is transformed and sublimated. The pains and unhappy circumstances that may come to a man of spiritual knowledge are like events that happen at a distance and do not relate to him, for he has become detached from the vehicles wherein pain inheres - the body and mind. It is as if these were happening to someone else while his true Self within is at peace and is blissful.

It may be that those who have many desires and attachments say that this is a pessimistic viewpoint for it negates all that they hold dear - the empirical self and the phenomenal world of maya. And the doctrine of karma makes them responsible for their own limitations and misery, whereas they would rather blame something or someone else - the family, relatives, the state, country, social, economic, or political systems etc. and they are unfortunate victims of a hapless fate. But maya is an explanation of the status of the phenomenal world just as it is, and karma is the law of cause and effect working within it. For the man of wisdom who knows the Self alone is dear, the maya viewpoint naturally follows and it is a happy and blissful one, for what it negates is that which is the cause of misery and bondage, i.e. ignorance, desire and attachment. It is stated in the Panchadasi:

The sufferings of the three bodies (gross, subtle and causal) are caused by the desire of the enjoyer for the objects of enjoyment. These sufferings affect the three bodies, but the Self is not affected by them.

The sufferings of the gross body take the form of disease due to the disequilibrium of the bodily humours; desire and anger and other passions are the sufferings of the subtle body; and the source of the sufferings of both the gross and subtle bodies is the causal body.

When the jiva is recognised to be identical with the immutable, Kutastha, the sufferings of the bodies cease to affect him and no experiencer remains.3

And also the Brihadaranyaka Upanisad states:

`If a man knows the Self as "I am this (Self)", then desiring what and for whose sake will he suffer in the wake of the body?'4

One may ask, `If the sufferings affect the three bodies and not the Self, then is it a matter of stoically bearing the pains or do the pains actually disappear?' The answer is that in some cases the pains disappear or are no longer cognised and in other cases - especially those of the bhaktas whose mind is totally given up to God - pains may be transformed into joy, as in the instances of some religious martyrs. For example, Blanche Gamond tells of a torture experience:

"... I was naked from the waist up. They brought a cord with which they tied me to a beam in the kitchen ...then they discharged their fury upon me, exclaiming as they struck me, `Pray now to your God' ... but at this moment I received the greatest consolation that I ever received in my life, since I had the honour of being whipped for the name of Christ, and in addition of being crowned with his mercy and consolations. Why can I not write down the inconceivable influences, consolations, and peace which I felt interiorly? To understand them one must pass through the same trial; they were so great that I was ravished, for there where afflictions abound grace is given super-abundantly. In vain the women cried, `We must double our blows; she does not feel them, for she neither speaks nor cries.' And how should I have cried, since I was swooning with happiness within?"5

The first method discussed here - that of the jnani - is illustrated by the case of Swami Shivananda, a direct disciple of Sri Ramakrishna and the second president of the Ramakrishna Math and Mission. Toward the last years of his life his body was racked with several kinds of ailments so that he could walk only a few steps at a time. Yet when he was asked, `How are you Maharaj?' He would reply, `I am fine'. On being further told that his body seemed to be in bad condition, he would reply, `Oh, you are asking about the body? The body is not at all well, but I am fine. Talking about God with people ... I am in excellent spirits ... pain and anguish belong to the body. He who dwells within the body is not affected by them - He is Bliss itself. I am not the body. I am that Eternal Supreme Being, ever pure, illumined and free. The Master has given me that knowledge in the fullest measure. That is why it does not make any difference whether the body is well, or sick or old.'6

Thus, any given experience can be painful to one, indifferent to another and joyous to a third, depending on how much spiritual knowledge and/or love of God has been attained. Vrttis - waves in the mind - are like reflecting surfaces for the soul and are of three kinds: tamasic, rajasic and sattvic. In the first the reflection is most obscured and the image is barely seen. In the second the reflection is clearer but the image is distorted so that we mistake it for what it is not. In the third, the sattvic, the reflection is clear so that we see the image properly, but it is at best a reflected image and not the Real thing (svarupa). The wise man recognises these as reflected images in his mind and is not deceived by them. He knows that they have no relation to him and belong only to nature. Therefore, whatever their condition, he is free from their effects. Having withdrawn his consciousness from all the vrttis, the reflections disappear and merge into their source, the Divine Self. There remains no one to experience pain, for the Self is only Joy.

Dehabhimane galite, vijnate paramatmani

Yatra yatra mano yati tatra tatra samadhyah.

With the disappearance of attachment to the body and with the realisation of the Supreme Self, to whatever object the mind is directed one experiences samadhi.7 M

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The Direct Disciples of Sri Ramakrishna.

Swami Ranganathananda is the President of the Ramakrishna Math and Ramakrishna Mission.

This is the text of his talk, which first appeared in

`Vedanta Kesari`, January 1998, given at the

Monks` retreat held at Belur Math on

Sunday 18 November 1995.

First of all I remember Swami Shivanandaji Maharaj, the Second President of the Ramakrishna Order, fondly known as Mahapurush Maharaj. I was living in a village called Trikkur, ten kilometres away from the town of Trissur in Kerala. My house in Trikkur is situated on the bank of the river Manali, and to the east of my house is an ancient rock cave temple of Siva on a hill about half a kilometre away. I was studying in the 8th class at that time in the high school at Ollur, five kilometres from Trikkur on the road to Trissur. A classmate brought a book from the library of the Vivekodayam High School in Trissur. `Would you like to read this book?` he asked me. `Yes, I would like to read it,` I replied, not knowing what it was. It was the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, by `M` published by the Madras Math. He gave it to me. I started reading it. It gripped my attention, and I could not stop till I had finished one hundred pages continuously; later I read the whole book. Then other books on Thakur and Swamiji came from that Trissur library.

That was in 1924. I was only fifteen and a half years old then, and was waiting for an opportunity to join the Ramakrishna Order. In 1926, after finishing my school final examination, I joined a typewriting Institute in Trissur to learn shorthand and typewriting. Some fees had to be paid. I took three rupees from my house and came to Trissur. From there I wrote to the Madras Math that I wanted to join the Ramakrishna Mission. One brahmachari replied: `Here there is not enough room. There is a new centre in Mysore; it is in need of a brahmachari. So, please write to the Swami-in-charge, Swami Siddheshwaranandaji.`

So, I wrote to Swami Siddheshwaranandaji at Mysore. By that time, however, Siddheshwaranandaji himself came to Trissur to meet his parents; his father was the Second Prince of the Cochin State. I met Maharaj. He said, `Yes, you can come. Have you got enough money to go to Mysore via Ooty?` I said, `I have just three rupees, nothing more.` But I had my earrings; even boys used to wear them in Kerala. I could sell them in the market; but it was Sunday, no shop was open. But one person gave me two rupees, and Siddheshwaranandaji gave me two rupees. So, I had now seven rupees in my pocket. But that was not enough for the journey to Mysore via Ooty. How was I to go with Siddheshwaranandaji to Ooty by train at 8.30 p.m. that day? I was greatly disturbed in mind. I was not fully committed to go, but I also wanted very much to go. Such was my mental struggle. And I was very young then, only seventeen and a half years old. I went to the Sri Ramakrishna Shrine in the Trissur Vivekodayam High School to pray for Thakur's grace. I often used to bring flowers from my house for worship in that shrine. With tears in my eyes, I prayed to Thakur to arrange for my renunciation and departure to Mysore with Siddheshwaranandaji. Even now, after seventy years, the memory of that event in that shrine stirs me.

Then, at the last minute, I went to Siddheshwaranandaji's house. He was ready to start for the railway station. He said, `All right, come with me tonight by the 8.30 train to Ooty.`

I did not know anything about initiation. I wanted to join the Mission, and I had read some books about Thakur and Swamiji, and had memorised the `Prakritim Paramam' hymn on Holy Mother. That was enough to inspire me to dedicate my life to the Mission. So, at 8.30 pm, we got into the train and it reached Ooty next morning. Ooty is about six thousand feet above sea level. Siddheshwaranandaji, familiarly known as Gopal Maharaj, myself, and three students were in the party. Mahapurush Maharaj was then living in a rented house at Ooty, which he loved very much. The present Ooty Ashrama was being built on a site nearby, and was to be opened in 1927. I was allowed to stay in Mahapurush Maharaj`s house and have breakfast, but was to eat outside in a hotel. There was no arrangement in the Ashrama then for feeding so many people. So, with the money I had, I would eat outside. By the time I finished one week in Ooty, the money I had was exhausted. It was on June 25, 1926, that I left Trissur for Ooty, and on June 30, my initiation by Mahapurushji took place.

I entered the room in which Mahapurush Maharaj was sitting for the ceremony. To his left was my seat. I sat down and looked at the whole scene. A dream I had three or four years earlier came to my mind then. I used to worship regularly Siva in the village rock cave temple. In that dream, I was lifted high up in the sky; then I reached a beautiful place. An old venerable looking person was sitting there; and my mind recognised him as Siva. He asked me to sit to his left and gave me some spiritual instructions. That much was the dream, and I found an exact reproduction of that dream in that particular situation in Ooty. Mahapurush Maharaj asked me, `Do you worship Sri Ramakrishna?` I said, `No, I don`t actually worship, but I keep a picture of his, and salute it regularly.` And he said, `That is all right.` He then gave me the mantra and asked me, `Have you brought any guru dakshina?` `Nothing,` I said. Only one shirt, one dhoti, and one towel - that was all I had brought from my house. He took two or three mangoes from his right side and gave them to me and said, `Now give them back to me as guru dakshina.` I offered them back to him, made pranams to him and came out of the room.

After two days, on July 2, we had to take leave of Mahapurush Maharaj to go to Mysore. Swami Siddheshwarananda and I went to his room to take leave of him. It was about 5.30 am. He was sitting there on a chair counting some currency notes. `Gopal, do you want some money? I can give you,` he said. Gopal Maharaj said, `Not necessary, Maharaj,` though Mysore Ashrama was very poor at that time. I made pranams to my guru. `Yes, you go to Mysore. Serve Gopal,` Mahapurushji said to me. That was the only message he gave me then - `Serve Gopal`. My service of Gopal Maharaj continued for nine years in Mysore and three years in Bangalore. He was holy and kind and loving. We parted only when he went to open the Paris Vedanta Centre in 1938. So, we took leave of Mahapurush Maharaj and left by bus at 7.00 am, and reached the Mysore Ashrama at 9.00 pm. Later, I saw an entry of Rs.7 spent by the Mysore Ashrama towards my Ooty-Mysore journey.

For the first time I saw a big town with electric lights and all that. As a village boy, I did not know about town life. I did not know even how to post a letter, how to cash a cheque, etc. That night, at 9 o'clock, for the first time in my life, I got a glass of milk and two pieces of bread for my supper from a boy who was living in the Ashrama as a bhikshannam student. I still remember the taste of that first meal in the Ashrama, of bread and milk, that took place seventy years ago. That was on July 2, 1926. On July 3, my long hair was cut and my earrings were removed.

Then, on July 4, I entered the Ashrama kitchen. There was no paid cook, since the Ashrama income was very little. Siddheshwaranandaji`s health was poor due to bad food. I was a good cook with two years` experience of cooking in my house for the whole family even from the age of twelve to fourteen. So, everybody in Mysore Ashrama began to get good food from that time. For the next six years, I was a cook, dish-washer, and house-keeper in the Mysore Ashrama. Collection of monthly subscription, garden work, and some other things also were added later on. Whenever I requested people for subscription, I spoke about Swami Vivekananda. They were happy and used to give me tea and tiffin, and sometimes something also for taking to the Ashrama. So, in this way, my life went on, with plenty of study also in between work. In spite of heavy work, I never complained of want of time for study or japa-dhyana. I was always happy and cheerful, and enjoyed doing any and every type of work as Thakur`s service. I never experienced any tiredness. I wrestled with students in the Ashrama`s akhada and later on played volleyball.

In 1929, time came for my brahmacharya initiation. So, in March 1929, I came to Belur Math. My brahmacharya was on Buddha`s birthday, May 23. About four months I stayed in Belur Math at that time. On the day of brahmacharya diksha, Mahapurush Maharaj came to the room behind the old shrine, and sat with a smiling face in the veranda, facing the ceremony going on in the room. We were five or six brahmacharis. He gave me the name Yati Chaitanya.

The most memorable experiences during my stay at the Math were the daily morning sessions in Mahapurush Maharaj`s room after breakfast, lasting sometimes for over an hour. Monks and probationers would come in batches and prostrate before him and stand aside. He would be sitting on his bed or in his chair, indrawn, often with the hookah (hubble-bubble) in front, from which he would draw a puff now and then, mostly absent-mindedly, and would occasionally exchange courtesies with the monks and novices present. When the indrawn mood would relax, he conversed on various topics with those present, interspersing it with humour and laughter, an endearing trait especially characteristic of Sri Ramakrishna and his disciples. Sometimes the talk would turn on to deep spiritual themes, and those present would hang on to every word that then fell from his lips. In between all these, one heard him utter, in a tone suffused with deep devotion, such spiritual phrases as: Sat-chit-ananda Shivam, Jai Guru Maharaj, Jai Ma, etc.

One of my daily duties in Belur Math then was sweeping the spacious front courtyard. Sometimes, as I swept, the wind would carry the dirt back, so I had to sweep again. But it did not bother me; it was a play for me. Washing Thakur`s puja vessels was another work. Serving tea to members in the tea-stall which was situated to the left of the present Temple site was yet another duty. Some other duties like bringing water on my head for Mahapurush Maharaj`s bath from Lilua tube-well, a small quantity of curd from the Belur market for his dog, and serving in the dining hall were also there. I was ready for everything. I was very young then, and full of tireless energy. There was also a kusti akhada situated near where the dining hall is now. Swami Apurvananda, Mahapurushji`s sevak, was a good wrestler. I had wrestled with him and with two or three others also in that akhada. Many people used to gather to see our wrestling. One cook from Varanasi Sevashrama had come. He was also a good wrestler. When he gripped my hand, it became powerless; such strength he had, though he appeared ordinary. Then there was Jnan Maharaj's parallel bar, fixed where at present the platform is erected during the celebrations. There I used to do a little bit of bar exercise. I had time for everything. I was very hungry all the time except after lunch and dinner. Morning breakfast was tea and a thin slice of bread, as thin as the knife blade, with a little butter on it. As for tea, there was only one glass of milk for all the inmates together with plenty of water and sugar. Revered Suddhanandaji, the then General Secretary, and Revered Swami Virajanandaji, and other senior swamis also would be present, and I used to serve them. To satisfy my hunger, I used to take muri, in my shirt end, kept in a big tin on the Math verandah, and eat a lot of it. Food was very poor due to financial stringency; dal was watery, but `chachari` and `alu dam` were tasteful.

I came to know many of our senior monks at that time. It was also the time when the Ganen trouble took place. Ganendranath, a brahmachari of Udbodhan, looking after the Jadupati Estate, challenged the Mission. The Mission was subjected to a serious crisis. He began to influence various members of the Ramakrishna Mission Association. He had also great influence over the press in Calcutta. The headquarters invited swamis from various Ashramas to come to the Belur Math. Every now and then a bell would ring and sadhus would gather together to discuss some problem or other. Swami Omkaranandaji would take the lead. Then we would pass a resolution and go to Mahapurush Maharaj to represent him against Ganendranath. In this way, there was a crisis period at that time for more than a month continuously. Eventually, the Mission Association General body meeting passed off peacefully. Ganen had come to the Math, but he did not attend the meeting. I saw him walking about in the lawn outside the meeting, smoking a cigarette. Many swamis were made Mission members. I also was made a Mission member then. In July 1929, the Ganen problem was settled by paying him Rs.75,000 for managing the Estate. He left the Order with Chapala, a lady teacher of the Nivedita School.

The group photo that you find on the wall in the first floor of the main Math building (above the staircase) was taken in the lawn between the main Math building and the Ganga ghat, in May 1929, in view of the large assembly of our monks from many branch centres at that time. Revered Subodhanandaji, Revered Suddhanandaji, Revered Virajanandaji, Revered Vireswaranandaji, and many other Heads of centres are there in the photo. I am also there in that photo. Mahapurush Maharaj was sitting in the easy chair in the upper verandah. But the photo-taking was getting delayed, and so he left for his room. Swami Vividishanandaji was going to America; so it was also like a send-off to him on that occasion.

I spent four months very happily in Belur Math. The then General Secretary, Swami Suddhanandaji, sometimes would say to me, `How long will you stay here? It is time for you to go to your centre in Mysore. Belur Math cannot spend much money on so many guests.' `I shall go soon, I shall go soon,' I would reply. And after four months, I went back to Mysore.

In 1933, I came to Belur Math again, this time for sannyasa. It was Swami Vivekananda`s birthday, January 23, 1933. It was a beautiful occasion, but Mahapurush Maharaj was rather weak at that time and could not come to the ceremony held in the room behind the old shrine. He was in his room. After the sannyasa havan, we, nine of us, including the late Swami Hitananda and Swami Krishnatmananda, went to his room and received sannyasa mantras from him, including the gerua clothes and our names. It is interesting to mention that with Mahapurush Maharaj`s permission, I had been wearing gerua cloth since my fourth or fifth month in the Order, from 1927. I did not know much about sannyasa at that time.

I continued to stay at the Belur Math for about four months. During that time, a desire arose in my mind to go to Sargachi and meet Swami Akhandanandaji Maharaj. When I was reading Swamiji`s works, I had found Swamiji praising Swami Akhandanandaji very much. He was the first to implement Swamiji's message of service to the poor and the downtrodden. `You are my man, you are my man!' - Swamiji had praised him. So, I had nursed a secret desire to meet Swami Akhandanandaji in Sargachi. I took Mahapurush Maharaj's permission to go to Sargachi to meet him. In those days, we had weekend return tickets; it was very cheap then - Friday you go and Sunday you return. So, with Mahapurushji`s blessings, I went to Sargachi. I had a wonderful weekend there. I met Akhandanandaji, made pranams and explained my heart`s desire. I was a newcomer from far away Mysore Ashrama, and I was quite young, hardly twenty-four or twenty-five. But Swami Akhandanandaji treated me like a VIP guest - special cup, special saucer, special kettle - everything special for me. And he would ask the hostel boys, `Go and make pranams to the Swami.` I protested that it should not be done in his presence. I said, `Maharaj, what are you saying? Should they do it in your presence?` But he would say, `Hey, you have come from Mysore,` and turning to the boys would repeat, `Make pranams`. All the boys would come and make pranams then.

One day he came from the garden late for lunch and said, `Shankar, I have got pain in my body.` `Why?` I asked. `I had to bend down and pluck a particular vegetable which had overgrown.` Maharaj replied. I said, `There are so many brahmacharis and sadhus here, why did you do it yourself?` He said, `Oh, what do you mean? They are all fools; they don`t do their work properly. Belur Math sends here only fools!` (laughter). Maharaj replied, `Yes, you know, I have certain difficulties ...`

In this way, he carried on with me very humorous talks like a young boy. I found in him this trait along with a serious mind and compassionate heart. One day he asked me, `How do you find my Ashrama?` `I find it very fine; I get good sleep here,` I replied. `What? My Ashrama is meant only for sleep? Swami Paramananda was here. He said that he got good meditation here,` Maharaj said. I replied, `Well, that is what he wanted. But I needed good sleep and I got it very well here.`

In this way, two days passed. The day of departure came. I told him, `Maharaj, you are living in this jungle. So many devotees come to Belur Math to meet you, a direct disciple of Thakur. So, if you are in Belur Math, it would be far better. So, please go and stay in Belur Math.` `Who will look after this centre?` he asked. `Why, Belur Math will send somebody,` I said. He repl