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Be a queen to thy father-in-law, a queen to thy
mother-in-law, a queen to thy husband's sisters, and a queen to thy
husband's brothers.
Rig Veda 10.85.46. HV, P. 139

Monday
LESSON 134
Sanctity of The Home
From the point of view of the Second World, or
astral plane, the home is the family temple, and the wife and mother is
in charge of that spiritual environment. The husband can come into that
sanctum sanctorum but should not bring the world into it. He will
naturally find a refuge in the home if she is doing her duty. He will
be able to regain his peace of mind there, renew himself for the next
day in the stressful situations that the outside world is full of. In
this technological age a man needs this refuge. He needs that inner
balance in his life. When he comes home, she greets him at the entrance
and performs a rite of purification and welcome, offering arati
to cleanse his aura. This and other customs protect the sanctity of the
home. When he enters that sanctuary and she is in her soul body and the
child is in its soul body, then he becomes consciously conscious in his
soul body, called anandamaya kosha in Sanskrit. He leaves the
conscious mind, which is a limited, external state of mind and not a
balanced state of mind. He enters the intuitive mind. He gets immediate
and intuitive answers to his worldly problems.
How can he not be successful in his purusha dharma
in the outside world when he has the backing of a good wife? She is
naturally perceptive, naturally intuitive. She balances out his
intellect, softens the impact of the forces which dash against his
nervous system from morning to night. Encouragement and love naturally
radiate out from her as she fulfills her stri dharma. Without these balancing elements in his life, a man becomes too externalized, too instinctive.
If
a woman is working, she cannot provide this balance. She has to start
thinking and acting like a man. She has to become a little tougher,
create a protective shell around her emotions. Then the home loses its
balance of the masculine and the feminine forces. Take for example the
situation in which the wife rushes home from work fifteen minutes
before the husband. She's upset after an especially hard day at work.
The children come over from Grandmother's house or she tells the
babysitter to go home. She scurries to prepare something for dinner
before he comes home, then rushes to get herself looking halfway
decent. Emotionally upset, she tries to calm herself, tries to relax
and regain her composure. Her astral body is upset. The children's
astral bodies are upset. The husband enters this agitated environment
-- already upset by being in the world -- and he becomes more
disturbed. He was looking forward to a quiet evening. But is he going
to get it? No. He begins to feel neglected, disappointed, and that
leads him to become distraught, to say angry words that make everything
even worse. The pranic forces are spinning out of control. It's
seems like a totally impossible situation for both of them.
Furthermore, it's not going to get better, but exceedingly worse, as
the days wear on.
Tuesday
LESSON 135
The Wife's Special Power
The situation I have just described is one of the
main reasons that marriages today have become less stable, that so many
married couples -- sixty to seventy percent, I'm told -- are
experiencing difficulties and breaking up. But couples never get
married with the intent of breaking up. Never. The pranic
forces do it. You put two magnets together one way and they attract one
another. Turn one around, and they repel each other. The same force
that brought the people together, when it is not handled right, makes
them pull apart and hate each other. They can't see eye to eye. Then to
make up, they go out to dinner to talk it over -- in another
frustrating, asuric situation, as far out in the world as they
can get -- to try to make up. When that doesn't help, they come home
still frustrated. If they went to the nearby temple and worshiped the
family Deity together, that would help. They would return home in a
different state of mind and discover that their vibration had changed.
Why does it help to go to the temple? Because the God is in the temple,
the Deity is there to adjust the forces of the inner nerve system, to
actually change the forces of mind and emotion.
In the home, the mother is likened to the Shakti
Deity. She is the power, the very soul of the home. None other. So she
has to be there. She has to be treated sensitively and kindly, and with
respect. She has to be given all the things she needs and everything
she wants so she will release her shakti power to support her
husband, so that he is successful in all his manly endeavors. When she
is hurt, depressed, frustrated or disappointed, she automatically
withdraws that power, compromising his success in the outside world
along with it. People will draw away from him. His job, business or
creative abilities will suffer. This is her great siddhi, her inborn power, which Hindu women know so well.
It is the man's duty, his purusha dharma, to
provide for her and for the children. The husband should provide her
with all the fine things, with a good house which she then makes into a
home, with adornments, gold and jewels and clothes, gold hanging down
until her ears hurt, more bracelets, more things to keep her in the
home so she is feeling secure and happy. In return she provides a
refuge, a serene corner of the world where he can escape from the
pressures of daily life, where he can regain his inner perspective,
perform his religious sadhana and meditations, then enjoy his
family. Thus, she brings happiness and peace of mind to her family, to
the community and to the world.
Wednesday
LESSON 136
The Home As a Temple
This working together of the home and the temple
brings up the culture and the religion within the family. The family
goes to the temple; the temple blesses the family's next project. The
mother returns home. She keeps an oil lamp burning in the shrine room
on the altar to bring the shakti power of the God and devas into their home. This is only one of the beautiful practices of her religious stri dharma,
so sensitive and so vital to the furtherance of the family and its
faith. All this happens because her astral body is not fretted by the
stresses and strains of a worldly life, not polluted by the lustful
thoughts of other men directed toward her, causing her to live in the
emotional astral body to ward them off, or be tempted by them. She is
not living in the emotional astral body. She is living in her peaceful
soul body of love, fulfilling her dharma and radiating the soulful presence called sannidhya. She was born to be a woman, and that's how a woman should behave.
If she does not do her dharmic duty -- this means the duty of birth -- then she accrues bad karma. Every time she leaves the home to go out to work, she is making kukarma. Yes, she is. That negative karma will
have its affect on her astral body and on her husband's astral body and
on the astral bodies of their children, causing them to become
insecure.
The Judaic-Christian-Islamic
idea of just one life, after which you either go to heaven or to hell
gives the impression that time is running out. Some even think "you
have to get everything out of this life, because when you're gone,
you're gone, so grab all the gusto that you can." This has given the
modern Western woman the idea that she is not getting everything she
should, and therefore the man's world looks doubly attractive, because
she is just passing through and will never come back. So, living a
man's life is very, very attractive. She doesn't want to stay home all
the time and not see anything, not meet anybody, go through the boredom
of raising a family, taking care of the children. She wants to be out
with life, functioning in a man's world, because she is told that she
is missing something. Therefore, you can understand her desire to get
out and work, start seeing and experiencing life and mixing with
people, meeting new people.
The traditional Hindu woman,
however, does not look at life like that. She knows that she was born
this time in a woman's body -- this soul has taken an incarnation for a
time in a woman's body -- to perform a dharma, to perform a
duty, for the evolution of the soul. The duty is to be a mother to her
children, wife to her husband, to strengthen the home and the family,
which are the linchpin of society. She knows that the rewards are
greater for her in the home. She knows that all she is missing is a
man's strenuous work and responsibility, that her stri dharma is equally as great as a man's purusha dharma, even though they are quite different by nature. Because she knows these things, she fulfills her dharma joyously.
Thursday
LESSON 137
Mother in The Home
Now, a woman may wonder, "If I don't work, how are
we going to pay the bills?" The stated reason that most women work is
economic. The economy of the world is becoming more and more difficult,
and the first answer to money problems, especially in the West, where
the family unit is not too strong these days, is to have the wife go to
work. This is an unhappy solution. Much too often the sacrifices are
greater than the rewards. It is a false economy. Many times I have told
young wives to stay home with their children. They worry. Their
husbands worry. But with the wife at home, working to strengthen her
husband, he soon becomes confident, creative, energetic and that makes
him prosperous. He is reinspired and always finds a way to make ends
meet.
As long as the mother is home, everything is fine. There
is security. Without this security, a family begins to disintegrate.
Just think how insecure a child is without its mother. When the mother
is there, security reigns in the home. As long as the mother is home,
doing whatever she naturally does as a mother -- she doesn't even have
to read a book about how to do it -- the husband has to support the
home; he feels bound to support the home. Of course, religion must be
the basis of the home to make it all work. When women leave the home to
work in the world, they sacrifice the depth of their religion. Their
religious life then simply becomes a social affair. This is true of
both Eastern and Western religions. As long as the mother is home, the
celestial devas are there, hovering in and around the home.
How
many of you here this morning were raised with your mother staying at
home? Well, then you know what I mean. Now, what if she wasn't at home
when you were a child? You had to fix your own snack in an empty house.
You didn't feel much cared for. You were alone in an empty house,
perhaps frightened, and you went around seeing if someone was hiding in
the closet. You didn't feel that motherly, protective feeling.
When
mother finally does come home, she has other things on her mind. She is
tired. She has worked hard, and now she has to work even more. She is
not thinking about the helpless kid who can't take care of himself. She
may get home and think to herself, "I just can't forget about that
good-looking man I met at the office. I even see him in my dreams. I
have a husband and I shouldn't be thinking about such things, but..."
And on and on and on. Arguments begin to happen for the first time in
the home. What do you do? You worry for awhile. You cry a little. As
soon as you can, you start fending for yourself. You work out ways to
take care of yourself, or even to get away from the unhappy situation
as soon as you can. You end up out on your own in the world at a young
age, before you are mature enough to cope with it.
Friday
LESSON 138
A Feminine Incarnation
The Hindu woman knows that she is born in a woman's body to fulfill a woman's dharma, to
perform her duty and not to emulate the men. The duty is to be a mother
to her children and a wife to her husband, whom she looks to as her
lord. She performs that duty willingly, as does the man perform his
duty which arises out of being born in a man's body. The Hindu woman is
trained to perform her stri dharma from the time she is a
little girl. She finds ways to express her natural creativity within
the home itself. She may write poetry or become an artist. Perhaps she
has a special talent for sewing or embroidery or gardening or music.
She can learn to loom cloth and make the family's clothing. If needed,
she can use her skills to supplement the family income without leaving
the home. There are so many ways for a Hindu wife and mother to fully
use her creative energies, including being creative enough to never let
her life become boring. It is her special blessing that she is free to
pursue her religion fully, to study the scriptures, to sing bhajana and keep her own spiritual life strong inside.
Then
there is the situation in which the wife is working for her husband in
the home. This is not ideal, but it is far better than having her out
away from her husband, under another man's mind. At least the family is
working together toward a single goal, and the mother is there to care
for the child and answer questions. Of course, if working in the home
does not allow for closeness of mother and children, then it is to be
avoided -- if, for instance, the work is so demanding that the mother
is never free to play with the young ones or is so pressured by her
other duties that she becomes tense and upset. Otherwise, it is a
positive situation. From the child's point of view, mother is home. She
is there to answer questions, to make a dosai or say, "Go make yourself a nice dosai and
I will help you." She is there with a kiss and a band aid for a
scratch. She is there to explain why the grass is green, to tell a
story, to teach a simple lesson in why things are the way they are.
Mother is home, and that is very important for a young child. Yes, her prana in the house makes the house a home.
We
are nowadays witnessing a big wave of change rushing to the shores of
Hinduism in Colombo, Chennai, Mumbai, New Delhi, Kuala Lumpur, New
York, Durban and London. I have seen it coming. Hindu women no longer
feel they have to adhere to the old traditions. They are changing
traditions. They adopt new ways these days. Now a Hindu woman can go
out and work, especially if she lives in the city, and she is
encouraged by family and friends to do so. She can neglect her family,
and that is deemed all right, too. She doesn't have to fulfill her stri dharma. Staying
home is old-fashioned, they say. I have been told that eighty percent
of all Hindu women living in the West work in the world. Eighty
percent! Apparently those who have worked for the demise of Hinduism
have done their work quite well. Still, I am not worried. I know the
nature of waves, and this one will ebb as soon as it reaches the height
of its power, replaced by the greater power of returning to tradition.
Saturday
LESSON 139
Why Respect Tradition?
Let's look at the word tradition. Webster defines tradition
as "a story, belief, custom or proverb handed down from generation to
generation, a long-established custom or practice that has the effect
of an unwritten law." We all know human nature, because we are people
living on this planet. We are fickle; we are changeable. We are always
curious to try new things. Change is a wonderful part of life, within
certain bounds. We do not want to be too restrictive, yet we do want to
be strict. Be strict without being restrictive, and life will be
balanced between discipline and freedom. This has always been the Asian
way. Take a look back into history, back to the time of Saint
Tiruvalluvar, who lived 2,200 years ago. He would not have written the Tirukural
if people were perfect, if they were, as a whole, strong, steady and
self-disciplined. He wrote those sparkling gems of wisdom and advice
for fickle, changeable people, so that they could keep their minds
controlled and their lives in line with the basic principles of dharma for men and women clearly set forth in the Vedas six to eight thousand years ago.
Tradition
adapts itself to culture and climate. The Hindu women raised in Western
countries will not be able to follow all the traditions of the East.
But they have to fulfill enough of those traditions to fulfill their stri dharma. And, of course, they will have to adjust slowly.
Scriptural
advice is just as pertinent today, thousands of years later. Why?
Because people are human, because they are little different today than
they were then. Societies change, knowledge changes, language changes.
But people do not change all that much. That is exactly the reason that
traditions do not change much or change very slowly. They still apply.
They are still valid. They are the wisdom of hundreds of generations
assembled together. The wise always follow the ways of wisdom, always
follow tradition. Does that mean they cannot be inventive? No. Does
that mean they cannot use their mind and will to advance themselves and
humanity? No. Does that mean they must avoid being creative, original,
individualistic? No. It simply means that they express these fine
qualities within the context of religious tradition, thus enhancing
tradition instead of destroying it. Tradition, with its spoken and
unspoken ways, is far too precious to throw out or tear down. The
unwritten laws and customs of tradition are what has developed and
proved out to be best for the peoples on this planet for centuries. We
cannot casually change tradition. It takes centuries to build a
tradition. We cannot sit at a meeting and arbitrate a change like that.
Take all of this that has been said into your meditations.
Think deeply about the natural balance of masculine and feminine
energies in the world and within yourselves. You will discover a new
appreciation for the woman's role and for the traditions which allow
her to fulfill it.
Sunday
LESSON 140
A Personal Testimony
By way of illustration I will ask you now to read a
fine message we received from a Saivite lady in Sri Lanka who follows
beautifully the spirit of stri dharma.
"I am a Hindu
wife and take pride and pleasure in being one. I am a graduate of the
London University and was a teacher in a girls' school before I got
married in 1969. I belong to an orthodox Saivite Hindu family, and when
I reached age twenty-six my parents proposed a marriage. My future
husband, too, hailed from an orthodox Saivite family and was thirty
years of age. After our parents discussed and decided upon details, an
opportunity was afforded to us to meet. The venue was a Ganesha temple,
and the time was 7AM. As each of us stepped into the temple from
different directions almost simultaneously, the temple bells started
ringing to herald the 7:00 puja. 'A good omen,' both of us thought independently. After the puja was
over, we were introduced to each other by my mother. Out of inborn
shyness and a certain amount of fear of meeting a stranger, I was
hardly able to look up and even see the color of the man who was going
to be the lord of my life. I heard him talk and even noticed him gazing
meaningfully at me all the time. The 'confrontation' lasted about ten
minutes, and we parted. Each of us approved the selection so carefully
made by our parents and, to make a long story short, our marriage was
solemnized in due course.
"From the date of marriage, I
resigned my job as teacher because my duties as a housewife appeared
more onerous and more responsible. My husband earned enough to maintain
a family, and we started setting up a home of our own. I brought in
some money by way of a dowry, and this helped us to furnish our home
with all essential requirements. We loved each other very much and
lived like Siva and Shakti. The most important corner of our house is
the shrine room where our day-to-day life starts every morning.
"I
get up from bed at 5AM every day. After a wash, I enter the shrine room
and clean up the place. Remnants of flowers from the previous day's puja are removed, the brass lamps and vessels are polished, water is sprinkled on the floor and the place kept ready for the day's puja, performed
by my husband. Then the kitchen is swept and the pots and pans washed.
Water is kept on the gas to boil, and I go for a bath. Returning from
the bath, I do a short prayer and pick flowers for my husband's puja. By
now it is 6AM -- the time my husband awakens. I go to the bedroom and
wait there ready to greet him for the day. He looks upon me as the
Lakshmi of the home, and it pleases him a lot to wake in my presence --
all gleaming with holy ash and kumkum pottu on my forehead. As
soon as he gets up, he goes out for a half-hour walk and is back home
by 6:30. A cup of coffee is now ready for him. He takes this and, after
five minutes' rest, enjoys a fine bath. He then makes the necessary
preparations for the puja. I could do this myself, but my husband feels these preparations are also a part of the puja. Sharp at 7AM, the puja starts. I join him and so do our children (we now have two boys and a girl). It is a pleasure to watch my husband at puja,
which he does very piously and meticulously. At 7:30 we come out of the
shrine room for our breakfast. I personally serve my lord and the
children meals prepared by my own hands and then get the two elder
children ready for school. By 8:30 all the three are out of the house
on their respective missions. I then clean up the house, put my little
three-year-old son to sleep and by 9:30 I am back in the kitchen
preparing lunch.
"In the evening I am dressed up and ready for
an outing with my husband and children. Almost every day he takes us
out, but occasionally he comes home tired and prefers to remain
indoors. At 6PM I start cooking the dinner and at 7:00 we have a joint
prayer in the shrine room. Dinner at 7:30, then a little bit of
reading, listening to the radio, some chit chat and off to bed by 9:30.
This has been my routine for the last eleven years, and I have enjoyed
every minute of it.
"In the house, I give first place to my
husband. It has never been my custom to find fault with him for
anything. He understands me so much and so well that he is always kind,
loving, gentle and compassionate towards me. I reciprocate these a
hundredfold, and we get on very well. My husband is the secretary of a
religious organization, and I give him every help and encouragement in
his work. My household duties keep me fully occupied, and so I don't
engage myself in other activities. I respect my husband's leadership in
the home, and so life goes on smoothly."
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