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Sin of the mind, depart far away! Why do you utter
improper suggestions? Depart from this place! I do not want you! Go to
the trees and the forests! My mind will remain here along with our
homes and our cattle.
Atharva Veda 6.45.1. VE, P. 489

Monday
LESSON 218
Controlling The Forces
There are three kinds of adultery: physical (the
worst); emotional (very distressing); and mental (the secret kind).
Physical adultery breaks up marriages, destroys homes and creates
distraught children. Even if it is forgiven and the couple reunites, it
is not forgotten. There is always wondering, "Will it happen again? Did
it happen last night?" Emotional adultery is quite common. In the
workaday world, husbands often become more attached to their female
employees and associates than to their wives. Working wives become more
emotionally attached to their boss and fellow workers than to their
husbands. It is understandable. After all, she spends more waking hours
with men at work than with her husband.
I was asked, "How
should a Hindu man relate to women in the workplace and maintain his
religious life?" Very carefully, very carefully. It's important that
you remember that you have a path to follow and you are in the
workplace to do your job, be friendly to everyone equally, not having
favorites nor any likes or dislikes. Behavior should be professional.
Professional behavior is detached behavior yet friendly behavior. The Tirukural reminds us, "The chivalry that does not look upon another's wife is not mere virtue -- it is saintly conduct" (148).
Mental
adultery -- that's the secret culprit. Who knows what anyone is
thinking? But the feeling is one of drifting away into a fantasy world,
of deciding to become or not become emotionally or physically involved
with someone other than one's spouse.
But most devastating,
most insidiously devastating, is mental adultery through pornography.
The visualizations, the fantasies, the changes in sexual habits it
produces and the secrecy all bundled into one creates a distance
between spouses, unless of course they are enjoying the same
pornographic episodes. A verse in the Atharva Veda implores,
"Sin of the mind, depart far away! Why do you utter improper
suggestions? Depart from this place! I do not want you! Go to the trees
and the forests! My mind will remain here along with our homes and our
cattle" (6.45.1. VE, P. 489). It is hard to believe such verses were
composed thousands of years ago. Human problems haven't changed that
much, have they?
The Sanatana Dharma is the oldest religion in
the world. Therefore, its followers are the oldest people in the world,
having fully explored sex (the Kama Sutra is the oldest known erotic text) and
learned how to control it; established a system of sanctified marriages
and found out how to keep interpersonal relations going unhindered.
India's culture spread all through Asia, and because of it one rarely
sees any affection shown in public -- kissing, hugging, hand-holding,
touching or feeling. One might wonder how such a large population can
be accounted for!
Hindus know that the sexual force is an
energy, either under control or out of control. When controlled, it
creates peace, well-being and health and provides a mental, emotional,
physical balance. When out of control, just the opposite is the case:
confusion, secrecy, stress, fear of discovery, lingering guilt, which
creates misunderstandings and unresolvable situations.
Tuesday
LESSON 219
The Psychic Ties of Intimacy
Adultery is in the news today, not only in national
but also international scandals. Television plots give permission for
"sneaking around." It is not uncommon, and many don't give it a
thought, for husbands to visit "ladies of pleasure" and pay for their
services during their wife's monthly retreat or many months of
pregnancy -- and, of course, on business trips. Yes, those business
trips!
The South Indian ethical masterpiece, Tirukural, advises,
"Among those who stand outside virtue, there is no greater fool than he
who stands with a lustful heart outside another's gate. Hatred, sin,
fear and disgrace -- these four will never abandon one who commits
adultery" (142, 146).
The adulteress has a karma to
bear that affects many generations of her relatives and friends, for
she is psychically connected to every man with whom she has had
intercourse. A mystic could see a fog-like psychic tube connecting
their astral bodies that will not disintegrate for many years. The
adulteress may have many of these tubes, especially if she is a woman
for hire. A man is connected in the same way to all women he has been
with. It is through these psychic tubes, which are like the umbilical
cord connecting a baby to its mother, that the energies flow, and the karmas as well -- good, bad and mixed.
A
husband and wife who were both virgins at marriage have only a singular
psychic tube through which energies pass between them. If their
relationship is pure and they are intellectually and emotionally
compatible, they automatically control their karmas of dharma, artha, kama and moksha.
Their children are lovingly raised, because they are never entangled in
family feuding. There is no fight involved, because no intruder has
established a new psychic umbilical cord with either spouse, which
would cause disruption between them and impending havoc to the
children.
Once an astral-psychic tube is established between a
man and a woman through sexual encounters, it becomes a telepathic
channel, conveying thoughts, feelings and emotions. This is an
important connection for married couples, tying them intimately
together. Those who are married and stay faithful to their life
companions know that it is possible to feel the spouse's moods and
emotions and even read his or her thoughts, all of which are conveyed
through this psychic laser beam or subtle astral pranic
channel. For those who have had sexual encounters with several of the
opposite sex, the psychic connections become confusing. Small wonder
they experience stress of which the cause eludes even the best
psychiatrists. It would be like watching four, five or more TV programs
at the same time, all day long and especially during the night.
Wednesday
LESSON 220
The Costs Of Adultery
Now imagine a married woman working with men in a
hospital or an engineering firm and a husband working as a computer
programmer among women. Each is attracted to someone of the opposite
sex, maybe because of karmas from a past life. Their emotional pranas
move out of their bodies and connect with their workmates.
Compatibility is established. Talking and laughing together become
easy. When the "big happening" happens, as affairs so often do, the
physical-mental-emotional-pranic exchange of energies forms an astral tube (nadi) which connects the two for a period of at least twelve years.
Through this nadi,
the information conveyed is as subtle as: she sneezes and he coughs; he
gets angry and she becomes pensive and sulks for no reason. Certainly
no high-minded telepathic communication is happening as it maybe once
did when the pranas were just forming a connection. Now,
because they are psychically attached and pulling on each other in
their secret affair, they become antagonistic toward each other. That's
why they say sexual intercourse outside wedlock ruins a relationship.
They still have to work in the same office together and attend the same
meetings, which were quite different when the flirting first began.
Then when one, or both, turns a roving eye toward someone else, a
feeling of jealousy comes up, and rejection. A good TV script, perhaps,
but a disaster in real life.
Now let's think of the
adulterer's wife, at home doing her daily chores, taking care of the
children. How does she begin to feel? She becomes listless, uninspired,
as he draws on her energies to feed the adulteress. The home becomes an
empty place. She and the children are alone in a barracks, between
walls that do not hold in love and compassion and kindness.
Indeed,
adultery is one of the great wreckers of human relationships. Don't
dismiss it as irrelevant on the spiritual path, the path to liberation,
or at least to getting a better birth in the next life. What is the
healing when adultery has happened? It is necessary to perform some
kind of penance that will sever the psychic tubes: maybe walking on
fire or sleeping on a bed of nails for three days and nights, or
performing kavadi with fifteen spears pierced through the flesh -- three well-known public penances. One of Hinduism's ancient lawbooks, the Manu Dharma Shastra, prescribes
intense fasting, which in modern times would be fifteen to thirty-one
days, under professional care. In the absence of true reconciliation,
the best resolution is to live with the spouse like brother and sister
under vows of celibacy. Those who don't do something to mitigate the kukarmas
and break the astral ties of adultery will suffer through the lives of
their children, who will follow the patterns that they secretly set.
Adultery
can be stopped on the mental plane. In fact, if it is not stopped
there, watch out. It can be stopped on the emotional plane. Husbands,
beware of secretaries more beautiful than your wife. Wives, beware of
employers who may be more exciting than your husband. Pornography
adulterers, you can turn off that computer and stop the pornography on the mental plane.
Finally,
beware of the siren, the professional seducer, who is there, always
there, when the wife is incapacitated or when the husband is on a
business trip. They appear in many forms. There is always a price to
pay. They may break up the marriage. Children may lose their mother or
father. Guilt supersedes and far outlasts all temporary pleasure.
Fidelity and infidelity are part of the human experience. The choice is
yours which part of the human experience you want to experience.
Thursday
LESSON 221
The Abyss of Pornography
Live and learn, live and learn. We learn something
every day, and it is not always what we want to learn. Sometimes it is
good for us to know, and other times not so good. It is difficult for
us to speak of certain subjects. They are too sensitive, taboo,
delicate and private, and so we avoid them. But it is necessary to
understand and cope with these matters; and if father and grandmother
are not speaking about them, then others must. Pornography is one. Not
that it is bad in the sinful sense. Hinduism is too tolerant of
sexuality to make such pronouncements. We can say it is neither good
nor bad, but we can also say it does place big obstacles in
relationships, including unexplainable misunderstandings leading to
arguments. And it certainly can and does interfere with serious
spiritual effort and progress. Those on the path of sadhana are
admonished not to indulge in graphic, explicit sexual imagery, and if
they are involved already, to give it up, just give it up. The porno
path is a downhill path to be avoided. It is ever enticing but never
fulfilling. I recently was told that pornography is addictive. I always
understood that alcohol, tobacco and certain drugs are addictive, but
to find out that pornography is addictive, that was something new for
me.
Veterans on the porno path say it is more fun, more
stimulating, more exciting and more satisfying than the wife waiting in
the other room. This lonely life of low self-esteem centered around
pornography slowly becomes habitual, an addiction that is difficult to
overcome. Looking at the results in a porno addict's life, we can see
that sex on the Internet is engrossing, all consuming. They become
reclusive, tight lipped, secretive, drawing away from humanity. After a
cybersex session and expenditure of energies, the voyeur becomes
sharp, even demanding, with his wife and the children. Guilt manifests
in numerous ways. It has been my observation that addicts develop
chronic lower back problems that cannot be cured by chiropractors or
even be rightly diagnosed. When the lust, which is sex without love,
takes over, the lower nature is unnaturally stimulated, not unlike a
plague that has fallen upon us. I am told that one-third of those who
use the Internet do so to view pornography, have phone sex and visit
lewd chat rooms. "What is this world coming to?" elders exclaim. Well, cybersex has arrived for adults, young adults, children and, yes, some elders, too.
An
even more serious problem is with sons and daughters who become
addicted to this kind of vicarious stimulation. Most parents in the
modern Hindu community work and get two paychecks every payday. They
have little or no time at all to give to their children. The duty of
watching after the children is often delegated to a baby-sitter, and
the older children baby-sit when they are able. What goes on behind
those closed doors, when the shades are down and the computer is on,
nobody knows, and nobody is telling. "Don't ask, don't tell" seems to
be the policy in most homes. Pornography is a secret thing, but all
that is seen is carried forward in the mind as vivid images and then
recreated in dreams and daytime fantasies long after the computer has
been turned off.
Friday
LESSON 222
Seductive Fantasies
During this past year, I have been delving into the
lives of those among my international congregation who are addicted to
blue movies, Internet sex sites and all the artificial modern means of
stimulation. To say the least, interesting discoveries were made. The
most hurtful of them all is a mature and sexually experienced man,
accustomed to pornography, marrying an innocent virgin girl who
absolutely cannot perform the way he expects and who is then
humiliated, beaten or burned, divorced and traded in for another. This
crisis is often blamed on dowry. Or it's claimed she really wasn't a
virgin, so he had to send her back to her family. One would only know
the truth about his actions from an unabashed and totally honest
confession by the young man. There is much to be said for early
marriage, before the boy is exposed to the sexual fantasy world and all
its temptations, before he develops habit patterns that absolutely
cannot be broken by the seven matrimonial steps around the sacred fire.
Parents should question their children's personal life before arranging
a marriage.
Psychologically, pornography is closely linked to
adultery. Maybe the other woman is not warm flesh and bones, but she is
an unforgettable, reoccurring image within his mind, taking up the
mental real estate. She appears quite alive in his dreams -- more
beautiful, more accomplished, more seductive, more enchanting, more
alluring than his wife.
Dad never shares his pornographic
books, magazines or World Wide Web addresses with his teenager, and
neither does mom. But the children are allowed to become addicted on
their own, with free, unchaperoned time at the keyboard. Does this make
any sense to you? It certainly doesn't make sense to me.
Saturday
LESSON 223
Breaking the Addiction
I was told, and didn't want to hear it, that
pornography is here and there and everywhere on the Internet. Its
advocates rationalize that it helps boys and girls establish their
sexual identity even at a very young age. That, to say the least, is a
very much debatable point. It robs them of their innocence, their
childhood. That is for sure. Men and women, men and men, women with
women, trois, quatre, cinq, how to kiss and how to do many
other things -- it's all there. Question: do you know what your
children are doing at home when you are both at work or out receiving
an award for some social outreach beyond your family? Are they surfing
porno sites on the Web? Even in the highly ethical families of my
international congregation, this is sometimes happening.
In
the old days, pornography was available in the big cities only.
Separate areas with sex shops and prostitutes were called red light
districts, areas decent people would never be seen in, and this alone
kept pornography under control. During the First World War, soldiers
were made to feel at home with posters of pin-up girls. These were
girls in bathing suits, well covered up by today's standards, but
healthily endowed. In America before the turn of the century, the
skirts did not show the ankles. Then they did. A big uproar! Moralists
said showing ankles made women more sexually attractive to the men.
Then up and up went the skirts, to way above the knees. Have you ever
looked at knees? Some say they are the ugliest part of the human body.
I could go on and on. My job as satguru
to so many souls in many countries is to break up addictions. It's a
dirty job, but somebody has to do it. The phenomenon of porno addiction
was very new to me, and we needed a prayashchitta, penance. So, we asked Sri Sri Sri Pramukhswami's senior sadhus
the remedy to be used. His Swaminarayan Fellowship is one of the
strictest orders in the world, if not the strictest. They said to look
at a girl and follow her movement for five seconds as she walks would
require a fast for twenty-four hours. This is a self-imposed penance
among their 654 sadhus which can be applied to pornography.
They well know, as our wise scriptures say, that sex manifests in eight
levels, each one leading to the next: fantasy, glorification,
flirtation, lustful glances, secret love talk, amorous longing,
rendezvous and intercourse. So if the brothers see someone not eating
breakfast, lunch and dinner for one or two days, they know he is trying
to get control of the sexual forces and transmute them into tireless
creativity.
Sunday
LESSON 224
Regaining Perspective
When your husband seems distant, preoccupied, not at
home even when he is there, sits pensively in his shrine room, won't
eat his dinner, breakfast or lunch for several days while consuming a sattvic diet of fruit and yogurt, do not live under the illusion that he is going to become a sadhu.
He may just be trying to break the cycle of his addiction to
pornographic viewing, thinking and dreaming. Know that he still loves
you, and never, ever question him about his self-imposed sadhana.
Rather, choose the best of fruits. And if you find all those
unspeakable pictures in the garbage can, along with a couple of X-rated
videos and CDs, don't throw your findings up in his face, even if you
are perturbed and angry with him. That might become his excuse to again
pursue his addiction and perverse enjoyment, possibly without you in
his life.
Pornography is not only on the Internet. In hotels,
we are told, four- and five-star, there are channels on cable TV that
guests buy to watch hard- and soft-core pornography. Is this fun for
the whole family? No, it is not. The cable channels on regular TV also
bring all this into every home. It even flows through the telephone.
Watch the bills. They might be telling a story of buying fantasy sex.
It
may be argued that Hindus invented pornography, considering the
compromising images carved in certain ancient temples. But this is out
in the open. The whole family can stand and see -- the six-year-old,
the ten-year-old, mom and dad. Recently the Spice Girls, a famous band
from the UK known for their sassy, sexy ways, planned to perform in
front of India's Khajuraho Temple, known for its erotic imagery. Hindu
activists responded that this was unthinkable because "Eroticism
without spirituality is nothing but pornography."
Defenders of
free expression say pornography is a disease-free diversion. There is
no danger of venereal disease. We might agree, but must say that the
consequences mentally are even more devastating, bringing "dis-ease"
that no doctor can cure, for which there are no quick remedies, no
drugs. Enough said. A word to the wise is sufficient, but a thousand to
the fool is not quite enough.
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