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Be one to whom the mother is a God. Be one to whom
the father is a God. Be one to whom the teacher is a God. Be one to
whom the guest is a God.
Krishna Yajur Veda, Taittiriya Upanishad 1.11.2. UPR, P. 537-8

Monday
LESSON 190
Keep Teaching, Keep Loving
The more things change, the more they stay the same, it seems. Children are perfect devas until puberty, when so many changes come, when prarabdha karmas -- the
results of past actions they bring with them to live through in this
birth -- begin to manifest and the growing-up process intensifies. Is
there a set way, a rule book, for raising Hindu children in our
contemporary society? I think not. But the basic principles of Hinduism
have not failed. No, not at all. Teach the young adults to look ahead
mentally into the future before making a decision, and to base their
decisions for life on the value judgments of Sanatana Dharma as well
explained in Dancing with Siva, Hinduism's Contemporary Catechism, here in Living with Siva, Hinduism's Contemporary Culture and in Merging with Siva, Hinduism's Contemporary Metaphysics.
This Master Course trilogy is all that's needed for a fine future for
young adults. What are these values? Peace; harmony within the home;
tolerance for others; appreciation of the wisdom of those who have gone
before us and of those who are older; purity of thought, word and deed;
chastity until marriage; and, above all, cooperation and patience in
choosing the right partner in life, for marriage is actually the
joining of two families.
Marriage is not merely an individual
decision between two people who are sexually attracted to each other.
No, not at all. A marriage, to be successful, needs the support both of
the young man's family and the young lady's. The days are going away
very fast when, through the dowry system, the girl buys herself a
husband or the boy commands a price to take her into his home as a
servant girl for his mother.
All this should be explained time
and time again to children who are growing up with mixed values. After
all, they spend more time with their peers than they do with their
parents in today's world! This means that the parents have to actively
teach them as well, and talk and talk and talk on well-rehearsed
subjects to keep their children in the home, out of harm's way and
guided into a substantial, happy marriage in which the bride and the
groom's parents get along famously. It is a circle of love when two
families marry along with their children.
These matters must
be discussed when children are young, before puberty. Give many
examples from your life and the successful lives of others they and you
know. Later, when they reach the stage of puberty, watch out, for they
may reject everything they have heard. But the knowledge is in there,
deeply buried in their subconscious mind, just waiting to burst out
when the right moment comes. So, even when they are not inclined to
listen or discuss, you can know they are hearing. And you can be sure
they are listening when you gossip about someone who is experiencing a
similar problem they are facing -- a high school senior you read of in
the paper who is in dire circumstances, or a story with a moral that
you have creatively thought up to put across the point that you are
trying to make. Yes, they are listening, because who is it on planet
Earth that does not just really, really love to hear a good story. Your
well-placed parable will lift up the vasanas you implanted early on.
Tuesday
LESSON 191
Tapas of the The Teen Years
When your adolescents make the decision that you
want them to make, never, ever say, "I told you so." Just bow your head
and say, "Darling, you are making a wise decision." Believe it or not,
when they are not listening and you are talking, they are hearing, and
what you are saying is going deep into their subconscious state of
mind, which never sleeps. So, be tactful in what you say, and say it
always with a smile and plenty of healthy ayurvedic sweets
(not made with white sugar, but with jaggery or honey, or raw sugar if
these are not available). We don't want tooth decay and diabetic
conditions from highly processed white sugar. It is too expensive and
time-consuming to treat these home-created ailments. Don't you agree?
Good health -- mental and physical -- begins or ends in the home.
Teenagers
are suffering the pangs of sex, desire and distrust, independence and
all sorts of other things. They are as if sick during this time. In
Moscow one cold 1990 winter, astrophysicist Carl Sagan once told me
they are poisoned by their own hormones. This is nothing new. Over two
thousand years ago, the Greek philosopher Plato lamented, "What is
happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders. They
disobey their parents. They riot in the street, inflamed with wild
notions. Their morals are decaying. What is to become of them?" Not
much has changed, has it? So, be the mother, father, nurse, and doctor.
Talk together and work out a strategy for the seven years from age
thirteen to nineteen. It will be over in only seven years. Does this
seem like a long haul? Does getting through it seem like an impossible
dream? It surely does, but teenage trials are a natural part of the
extended family, the joint family, the nuclear family and even of the
no-family-at-all. Most of all, realize that you will surely win out if
you persist in love and understanding. Before long, they will be
raising their children in the very same way and loving you for how you
had the patience, willpower, forbearance and love -- mainly love -- to
see them through. Proceed with confidence. Get a strategy, a battle
plan, if it's all that bad. Stand up straight, be willing to take
insult, disobedience and be shamed in the very home in which you have
raised them. Similarly, a nurse does not pay all that much attention to
the ranting and raving of a patient who is delirious. Reason does not
rank that high as a quality for the teenager. But to tell them that
would be to alienate them, for in their view they are so, so much more
intelligent than you are in the ways of the world. And that may well be
true, as they, we must never forget, spend more time with their peers
than at home. You, the parents, bear the handicap of this and must in
all fairness compensate.
When you have successfully performed your seven-year tapas of
bearing up under the pain of the teenage trials, truly you will enjoy
great satisfaction and be able to sit back and smile. Remember and be
assured that it won't last forever. It truly won't. Have compassion and
give some leniency, for during this time they are all mixed up inside;
they are, they surely are. They are facing an uncertain future in an
unsure world, becoming adults, keeping in with their peers, keeping in
with their parents, facing marriage, job, career and community
expectations. No wonder so many ki ll themselves because their parents
just did not understand and were not there for them at a time when they
truly, truly needed them. Such a death of a child is on the heads of
the parents. Don't let this happen in your family. Please don't. Be a
mom. Be a dad. Be a nurse. Be a doctor. And, most of all, be a friend
-- their friend, their closest friend -- during this tumultuous,
turbulent, troublesome time called teenage.
Wednesday
LESSON 192
A Story of Heartbreak
Here is a letter a discouraged Malaysian Hindu girl
wrote to her parents just before she attempted to end her life at age
eighteen. One of the main reasons she cited for this attempt was too
much pressure coming from her parents. It was published in the Malaysia
edition of HINDUISM TODAY.
"Dear Mom and Dad: You'll never
understand why I did this. Never. In your opinion, you always did what
was best for me. You always knew what was best for me. You always
believed I was your naive, irresponsible little girl who always needed
your hand to hold on to. You thought it was necessary to use the sharp
edge of your tongue to keep me on the right track.
"But that
was the biggest problem -- you were the ones who chose that track for
me. I never had any say in my own life. Did you realize that that right
track became a psychological prison for me? That your leading hand
became a set of chains for me? That the sharp side of your tongue got
to be a barbed wire that was continuously lashing out at me? No, you
never did.
"You have said many things to me when you were
angry, and you always excused yourself by saying that you weren't in
your senses when you said them. But did you realize how much those
things could have hurt me? No. You never even thought about it. How
about if I called you a b . . . . when I was angry? Would you excuse
that with the same reasoning? I think not.
"Didn't you ever
stop to think that maybe I should have some say in what I wanted to do
with my life? You decided which college would be the right one for me
to attend and what academic field I should go into. The college, of
course, had to be the most prestigious and elite one, so you could brag
to your friends about it. You never thought that maybe I wanted
something more than school and books, but that was never important to
you. You only wanted me to achieve academically so your friends would
be duly impressed. That was the same reason that you wanted me to
become a doctor. I didn't want anything to do with it.
"You
never realized that maybe I had wanted a social life, to make real
friends for once in my life. When I told you that, you scoffed at me
and told me that we Indians were so much superior that we didn't need
to deal with them. There was never anything in my life that you let me
have any control over. When I finally met someone who meant something
to me, you two couldn't handle the fact that maybe someday I would
learn to control my own life and rid myself of your manipulations. So,
then you decided who it was that I was going to see and who it was that
I didn't. You forced me to break the first real relationship that I
ever had in my life. I was constantly harassed by you about him. You
told me that I was disgracing the family name. '...what would everyone
say?' You destroyed everything for me. This 'relationship' between us
is nothing but a farce. And there is no reason to continue it. I have
searched for some way to escape you, but I have come up empty handed.
And now, unable to do anything else, I want you to understand the
meaning of 'empty handed.' Always remember that you can only control
someone for so long. Now you must live with this guilt. I hope you will
never be able to forgive yourself."
Isn't that sad? Yes, very
sad. Fortunately, the young woman lived through this ordeal. In
contacting the editors, knowing her letter would strike a chord in many
youth, she cautioned that she now knows suicide is not the way out. She
firmly believes that all things, no matter how bad they seem at the
time, can be lived through. She allowed the publication of this very
personal letter in the hope that her battle with suicide would help
others -- parents and children -- deal better with problems before they
reach hopelessness.
Thursday
LESSON 193
Keep the Doors Open
Many parents hesitate teaching Hinduism to their
children as they do not want to make them different than their school
chums. But it is only a "storybook Hinduism" that would do that. We do
not need stories these days that were created for a society that no
longer exists. We do need the philosophical, metaphysical and
psychological Truths which are as eternal as space, time and gravity.
These should be well implanted into their minds. One is never too young
or too old to learn the Eternal Truths that never fail. World thinking
is built on only a few Truths and more than a few false concepts. Never
give up on your young adults, whatever the problems that arise. They
will be just fine with you, their parents, by their side all along the
way.
Yes, your children need both of you as friends, someone
to come home to when the going gets rough, someone who accepts and
loves and, in heartfelt tolerance, tries to understand. It is possible,
you know, to close the door on them in your hearts and minds,
especially when they are not obeying. Remember that there are others
out there who will take them in and may lead them even further astray.
Be a friend. Don't force them out of your hearts and minds. Always keep
the doors of a compassionate heart, loving arms and an understanding
mind open. Listen to their problems and come forward for their needs,
even when you may not agree with them or approve of what they are going
through. Remember, three hugs a day keeps trouble away. This is modern
Hindu Dharma. This is ancient Hindu Dharma. This is living Siva's
contemporary culture.
Young people have to prove for
themselves the basic principles of Sanatana Dharma. Some go at it in a
straightforward way and others go about it in a roundabout way, trying
to disprove everything, and therefore proving it. What is the
straightforward way? Accepting it as it is and trying to prove it also
by relating it to your own life experience. We should not be
discouraged with young people if we find they reach a certain age and
pull away a little bit. They can come to understand the law of karma
by going through a few experiences and finding out how they themselves
created those experiences. They have to have those basic realizations
in this life if they didn't have them in a previous life. If they had
these basic realizations in a previous life very, very strongly, their
confidence in the teachings would be very strong. Those things carry
over from life to life, and in the end the soul builds on them.
The new breed of swamis that
have come up in the past three decades relate well to the young adults
who were born as Hindus but raised as modern youth with little
knowledge of their hereditary religion. These swamis know the
problems, the pitfalls and some of the solutions. They, too, were
raised "modern" and by their own conviction learned Eternal Truths and
now preach them with a vigor and practical clarity that is unsurpassed.
Introduce your young adult to them, and he or she will find an
understanding friend and religious mentor.
When we are young,
the old ways can seem stiff, old-fashioned or just plain silly. Help
your young adult see into the reasons and discover the meaning in our
culture, philosophy and religion. Then the Sanatana Dharma will
belong to them, too, never to be lost, but to be preserved and passed
along to their children when the time comes and the cycle begins again.
Friday
LESSON 194
Education And Career
Many youth are pushed into professions by their
family, even if they are not suited to that profession. They graduate
and ask themselves, "What do I do next? Do I get a job near my family
home? Do I go to a far-off country and seek employment?" Family
pressure is on, and comments, sometimes hurtful, are made to motivate
the youth. But in today's world youth have to think on their feet, take
their life into their own hands and make their own goals for their
future, especially if they have been abused by senseless beatings from
angry parents whose cruel hearts drive them from their home.
The
long-term goals of education and career should be planned out ahead of
graduation. Ideally the planning takes place with the family, but only
if it is a cooperative, reasonable family that has enough love to
foresee their youth fulfilling happy lives with productive futures. As
we saw earlier, too harsh an upbringing can lead to their taking their
life with their own hands.
In the United States before the
First and Second World Wars, people were committed -- committed to
their family, to their community, to their country, to the growth of
the nation and to their business. Everyone knew what they were going to
do with the rest of their life by the time they were eighteen or
nineteen years of age. They went forward and lived out their life as
planned. When I was seventeen, I knew what I would be doing right now.
That is commitment, clarity of mind, the ability to see a direct path
into the future and then to have the character and the willpower to
live to make that path manifest. Society was stable, society was
strong, and there were simpler problems.
After the First World
War and Second World War, the family unit began to break up, and people
were no longer committed. The word of the times was not commitment, but one that also started with a "c." It was choices.
"I'll make a choice and see where it leads me. Then I will make another
choice and see where that leads." People didn't stick with one
occupation and perfect it. They dabbled half-heartedly at ten
occupations which they didn't perfect, and the quality of work suffered
as a result. The opportunities of choice were so grand. Parents would
encourage their children "Make your own choice of what you are going to
do with your life. We just want you to be happy." The same child was
not allowed to make his own choice about what clothes to wear or what
foods to eat. But he was allowed to make the really important choices,
including: "What are you going to do with your entire life?" and "Whom
are you going to marry?" Of course, to buy a car he was taught by his
parents to read Consumer Reports and pick just the right one. But he could take up any career and marry anyone he wanted to, just on a whim and fancy.
Saturday
LESSON 195
So Many Choices
Society drastically changed after the two world
wars, and the country's crime rate went up. Mental institutions became
overpopulated, hospitals overcrowded. People who have no commitment to
family, friends, community and religion end up making the wrong choices
in life. And today we have a new group called the New Age which,
ironically, is totally committed to being uncommitted.
Many
people are not committed to anything. They take a vow, they take a
pledge, but it doesn't mean anything. Even a marriage vow or pledge
doesn't mean anything anymore. But that is not religion. That may be
secular humanism. That may be existentialism. That may be just a big
nothingism; but it is not religion. Religion is the acceptance of
spiritual laws that guide our life. We have to make decisions and make
commitments, and live up to those commitments so that we can look in
the mirror every morning and say, "You did a good job with yesterday.
Now what about today?" This is the ethic we need to instill in
teenagers. Then the strength of the soul comes forward. When the
strength of the soul comes forward, it permeates the intellectual mind.
Creativity comes forth. New, inspiring, insightful thoughts that you
didn't even know you were able to think come into your mind from your
superconscious, and many wonderful things begin to manifest in your
life.
Nowadays the mind seems to be confused for young people
and older people alike. There is too much television, too much surfing,
too much input, and not enough planning, not enough talking, not enough
camaraderie to sit down and plan out what you are going to do this
year, next year, the year after and the year after that. But that's how
you keep your karma under control: short-term goals and long-term goals planned out according to Saiva Dharma.
Families
have been asking me about careers for their maturing youth. What
courses should they pursue in college? Higher education should prepare
a youth for what he is going to do in life. This applies to women as
well. That is why we are educated, to prepare ourselves for our future.
There is no other point of being educated but for that. If a young lady
is going to be a homemaker, it would be wise to be educated to be a
homemaker. Many women these days are married and can't cook, don't know
how to put on a band-aid, don't know how to take care of the children
when they come, because they've never been educated to be a wife. Women
who foresee another kind of life for themselves should choose an
education that will prepare them for that. It is also wise these days
for a woman who is a homemaker to have an education in a profession,
such as nursing, that she can fall back on in case misfortune befalls
the family, a death or a divorce, so she can get a job to support the
children and herself. Education is for the future career, whether it be
a homemaking career or another kind of career. That is the purpose of
it. There is much education now available that is just general
education. It goes on and on and on. You go in wanting to know, and you
come out confused at the end of it. We see this happening all the time.
This type of education should definitely be avoided.
It is
through prenatal experience and influence during year one, year two,
year three, year four, year five, that a youth is absorbing the
knowledge from the cells of his father's body into his, from the
emotions of the father into his, from the mind of his father into his.
If the child is a girl, she learns mostly from her mother. These
vibrations, in the very same way, enter her inner psyche. Thus children
establish the foundation on which they will later build their
adulthood. They are their father's and mother's children. It was no
accident that they incarnated into their family. They had a choice
before they were born. Every family is an expression of such choices.
Sunday
LESSON 196
The Family Profession
Nowadays many people believe that somehow it was an
accident that one was born in a family of a certain profession and that
the youth deserves a so-called better profession than that of the
parents. But the traditional wisdom is that a person is born into a
family to fulfill the profession of that family, and ideally to stay
within that family business. Being raised in the family business, the
person learns from a young age, even prenatally. Going into another
profession, he leaves the family dharma and goes into worldly adharma. It then takes two or three generations to establish a new family dharma in that profession.
Now,
of course, if the father and mother do not have a formal profession or
business when their offspring are babies, from prenatal to six,
whatever they are doing is absorbed and becomes the children's habit
pattern of how they should live their lives on Earth. In such
conditions, the chances for the son or daughter to follow the father's
or mother's footsteps in a formal profession at a later age, such as at
puberty, lessens because the children have already been programmed,
from ages one to six, to live from day to day without a goal, without
strong material security, without a profession, as their mother and
father did, as casual, temporary employees or students, often
unemployed or seeking employment.
Obviously, there is no
greater boon to a youth than to enter the family business or
profession, that is, provided this is his inclination as well.
Occasionally, however, there comes into a family a child who is to
become a leader in another field, not a follower of the family
profession. Perhaps he shows special aptitude as a religious leader, a swami,
a community leader, a politician, a social organizer, an activist, an
investigative genius, a scientist or a scholar. Such a child will
identify himself at an early age and must be especially carefully
nurtured, for he was born with a mission.
Then there are
others who will shy away from the family profession, whatever the
rationale. There are many reasons that youth reject the family
profession, but the point is that it is the duty of the family to make
that profession available to them, knowing this can stabilize them
throughout life. Therefore, we should encourage the traditional family
ideal in any case, at any age. There is great mental, emotional and
physical security for the son or the daughter to follow the family
vocation. Such children have observed their parents, learned from them,
slowly become partners with them in life. It is not always wise to
allow your children to make the decision of what they want to do,
allowing them to leave the home and make a stranger wealthy in another
profession because of their service to him. Lovingly encourage them to
do what you do and to become an extension of yourself. The ideas of "do
your own thing," "satisfy your own desires," "wander into a career,"
"move from one career to another midway in life" are modern adharmic
concepts. It may work out, but there is a fifty percent chance of
failure and crippling debt. Then, too, the family has lost a great
asset. The children have lost half their family connection, as they no
longer have a shared interest in what mom and dad are doing, and vice
versa. And the stranger, way out there, benefits. A family should not
end at the puberty of its children, who then go off into other spheres
of interest. It should continue and mature into father-and-son
corporations, father-and-daughter corporations, with mother and father,
sons and daughters all sharing the same interests, all working to
increase the family assets.
The dharma of the
householder is to build up wealth and knowledge, and to pass these on
to the children, generation after generation. If they are in the
jewelry profession, the wealth should go to the jewelers of the next
generation, not to the musicians or computer programmers. Family wealth
equals community wealth. Community wealth equals national wealth.
National wealth equals global abundance. Hindu elders say that by
following the occupation of the father and mother one will never go
hungry, even if the occupation is a meager one. This is what I learned
in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, at an early age. One might not become rich, but
security is virtually assured.
So, don't be afraid to bring
your sons and daughters into the family business deliberately. Get them
interested. Get them working with you. Your business or occupation is
what feeds them. Naturally they should be interested in it. The simple
answer for modern Hindu families following the traditional grihastha dharma
is to form a family corporation and bring sons and daughters at an
early age into what mom and dad are doing. Educate them in the family
occupation from age six to thirteen and then engage them as partners
all through life. What better partners could one have? Who would be
more honest and loyal than your own children? Need we say more? You
have caught the idea.
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