Preparing for Death and Helping the Dying

Kadampa Center, July 21 - August 18, 1996 

COURSE NOTES 

Ven. Sangye Khadro 

     Over the next 5 weeks, we will be learning about and meditating on: 

  1. what death is, and why it is important to be aware of it 
  2. ways in which we can prepare ourselves for our own death 
  3. the actual stages of the death process 
  4. ways in which we can help others who are dying 

THE BUDDHIST PERSPECTIVE ON DEATH 

* Awareness of and meditation on death are extremely important in Buddhism for two reasons: 

1. by realising that our life is transitory, we will be more likely to spend our time wisely, in a beneficial and meaningful way; 
2. by understanding the death process and becoming familiar with it, we can overcome fear and other disturbing emotions that might arise at the time of death, and thus be able to die with a clear, calm, positive state of mind, and ensure a good rebirth. 

* According to Buddhism, death is the separation of the mind and body. Each living being has a mind or consciousness which continues to exist after the death of the body, and takes a new rebirth. Each of us has had countless previous lives, and we will continue to be reborn again and again without choice or control until we develop our mind to the point where we are able to gain control over this process. When the consciousness moves from one life to the next it carries with it the karmic imprints or potentialities from previous lives. Karma literally means "action" and all the actions we do with our mind, speech and body leave an imprint on the mind or consciousness. These imprints can be positive, negative or neutral, depending on the action. They will ripen when the appropriate causes and conditions come together, giving rise to positive, negative or neutral experiences. 

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DEATH? 

It is important to explore and identify the feelings or emotions we have with regard to death. Typical responses to death include fear, sadness, grief, hopelessness and anger. Although these emotions can be quite overwhelming, we can learn to deal with them, to lessen them, even to transcend them, so that we can cope better with death. 

Disturbing emotions -- i.e. emotions that make the mind unpeaceful -- are particularly dangerous if they arise as we are dying. This is because our state of mind at the time of death is crucial for the next rebirth. If our mind is peaceful, clear and positive when we die, a good karmic seed will be activated, leading to a good rebirth. But if our mind is disturbed by emotions such as attachment or anger, a negative karmic seed will be activated, leading to an unfortunate rebirth. 

To be able to keep our mind positive at the time of death, we need to start to work on our mind now - to learn how to keep our mind free from negative attitudes. By remembering death, we will remember to do this important work on our mind. And this will help us to live more peacefully and realistically. 

Why are we uncomfortable about death? Some possible reasons: 

·	we don't want to separate from our loved ones, possessions, body, etc. 
·	we're afraid that death might be painful and frightening and we won't be able to cope 
·	we don't know what happens after death 
·	we have a deep, instinctive belief in a real, truly-existent, independent self (this is called "self-grasping ignorance" in Buddhism, and is the root of all our suffering) 

These uncomfortable emotions are not inherent in our minds. They exist due to mistaken views and attitudes. By recognizing and correcting these attitudes, we can free ourselves from the emotions that disturb our peace of mind. One of the best ways we can begin to overcome fear and discomfort regarding death is to make ourselves more familiar with it. This can be accomplished by meditating on and maintaining awareness of death. 

In the Lam Rim (Path to Enlightenment) tradition of Tibetan Buddhism there are 2 common ways of meditating on death. The first (known as the 9-Point Meditation on Death) looks at the imminence of death and its implications for our life, to motivate us to make the best use of the time we have. The second is a simulation or rehearsal of the actual death process, in order to be prepared to die consciously and skillfully. 

THE DISADVANTAGES OF NOT REMEMBERING DEATH, AND THE BENEFITS OF REMEMBERING IT (from the Lam Rim tradition) 
There are six disadvantages of not remembering death:

1. we will not remember the Dharma (Dharma = what protects us from suffering) 
2. even if we remember the Dharma, we will not practice it 
3. even if we practice Dharma, we will not practice it purely 
4. our practice will lack persistence 
5. we will commit many non-virtuous actions which will bring suffering in the future 
6. we will die full of regret 

There are six benefits of remembering death:

1. our actions and our life will become beneficial; we will practice Dharma sincerely and energetically 
2. our Dharma practice will become very powerful and pure 
3. it is important at the beginning of our practice 
4. it is important throughout our practice 
5. it is important at the end of our practice 
6. we will die with a peaceful, happy mind 

THE NINE-POINT MEDITATION ON DEATH (from the Lam Rim tradition) 

The 9 points comprise 3 main points, each of which has 3 reasons: 

Death is definite (i.e. "life is a terminal disease") 
·	everyone has to die 
·	our lifespan is decreasing continuously 
·	the amount of time we devote to Dharma is very small 

The time of death is uncertain 
·	human life-expectancy is uncertain 
·	there are many causes of death 
·	the human body is very fragile 

Only Dharma or spiritual insight can help us at the time of death 
·	our possessions and enjoyments cannot help 
·	our family and friends cannot help 
·	our body cannot help 

HOW TO PREPARE FOR DEATH SO THAT WE CAN DIE PEACEFULLY AND OBTAIN A GOOD REBIRTH IN THE NEXT LIFE 

1. Make yourself familiar with what death is, and cultivate an acceptance of it 

We tend to be afraid of what we don't know about or what we're not familiar with. We will have less fear of death if we understand what it is, and learn to accept it. 

2. Live ethically 
Painful or frightening experiences that occur at the time of death and afterwards -- in the bardo and next rebirth -- are the result of negative actions, or karma. To avoid these, we should avoid negative actions and do as many positive actions as we can, e.g. avoid the 10 non-virtuous actions -- killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, harsh speech, lying, slander, gossip, covetousness, ill-will and wrong views -- and practice the 10 virtues. It's also good to take precepts, and do purification practices on a daily basis. 

The cause of negative actions is our delusions, or disturbing emotions -- anger, greed, pride, etc. -- so we should try to lessen these. Remembering death is one of the most effective antidotes for delusions. Also, as we approach death, it's good to start giving away your possessions, or at least make a will -- that will help reduce attachment and worry. And resolve your conflicts with others. 

3. Cultivate a practice of meditation and/or prayer 

According to Dagpo Rinpoche, the best practices to work on are taking refuge, cultivating love and compassion and bodhicitta, and developing devotion towards and following the advice of your spiritual masters. If we train ourselves in these practices starting now, it will be easier to practice them at the time of death.... Choose a practice that suits you: breathing meditation, mantra recitation, loving-kindness meditation, etc. Use your practice whenever you face problems or difficulties, then it will be easier to remember to do it when facing death. 

4. Imagine and aspire for a good rebirth 

Develop the aspiration for a good rebirth, either in a pure land or as a human being. Think ahead. Make plans and make prayers towards this goal. If you wish for a pure-land rebirth, read sutras describing these realms and practice visualizing them. Prof Thurman: "The Buddha-land descriptions are incredibly lush and imaginatively stimulating. They open up for us the possibility of unearthly beauty and happiness. The mere reading about and imagining of these realms will open the imagination to be prepared for magnificence that might otherwise be frightening in its glory." 

5. Study spiritual teachings 

Learning spiritual teachings such as those given by the Buddha will help us to overcome delusions and negative behaviour, and will help us to become more wise and compassionate. Also, the more we understand reality or truth -- the nature of our life, the universe, karma, our capacity for spiritual development and how to bring it about -- the less we will be afraid of death. 

6. Practice The Five Powers (These are explained in the tradition of Thought 
Transformation; see the list of recommended further reading for books on Thought Transformation) 
1) The Power of the White Seed: purify negative karma with the 4 powers of regret, reliance, remedy and resolution; give up attachment to your possessions and make offerings of them; meditate upon refuge in the 3 jewels, give rise to positive thoughts such as bodhicitta; reaffirm your commitment to whatever spiritual goals and values you cultivated during your life 

2) The Power of Intention: develop in your mind strong, positive resolutions such as not allowing your mind to come under the influence of negative, disturbing emotions; or not letting your mind be separated from the altruistic attitude of bodhicitta 

3) The Power of Remorse: remembering the disadvantages of the disturbing emotions, protect yourself from being overwhelmed by them 

4) The Power of Prayer: make strong prayers never to be separated from bodhicitta, not to be dominated by the misconception of self or the disturbing emotions, to obtain a fortunate rebirth in the next life to be able to continue your practice of the Dharma, etc. 

5) The Power of Familiarity: utilize whatever difficulties you face at the time of death to reflect on the teachings, e.g. the suffering nature of samsara, and to develop compassion for all beings; when the time of death comes, lie on your right side with your right ring finger blocking your right nostril (this is the posture the Buddha adopted during his Parinirvana); meditate on "taking and giving"; and on the emptiness of true existence of all things 

HELPING OTHERS WHO ARE DYING 

1. Overcoming our own fear and attachment 

The best way to help someone who is dying is to help them to have a positive, peaceful mind. That means being free of disturbing emotions such as fear, anger, attachment, depression, etc. To be able to help someone else achieve such a state of mind, we need to work on our own state of mind, i.e. work on reducing our own fear, etc. If we have disturbing emotions regarding death it will be very difficult to help another person to overcome these. Methods for doing this are explained in the Buddhist teachings. 

In the case of a loved one, it's best to learn to let them go. Clinging to them will cause their mind to be disturbed. Best is to be calm and peaceful; willing to listen to whatever they wish to say; be kind and sensitive and supportive, but try to avoid strong emotional reactions. 

2. How to help someone who is a Buddhist 

Remind the person to take refuge, encourage them to feel faith and confidence in the 3 Jewels. Encourage them to practice whatever they are familiar and comfortable with; 
help them to do these practices if necessary. Encourage them to not worry about their loved ones and their possessions, and to not be afraid of what lies ahead but to have faith in the 3 Jewels. Help them to cultivate positive thoughts, such as loving-kindness and compassion, and to avoid negative thoughts such as anger and attachment. Helping someone who is dying to have a peaceful and positive death is one of the greatest acts of kindness we can perform. 

If possible, place images of Buddha, Kuan Yin, etc. within sight of the person. It's good to talk to the person about impermanence and other Buddhist teachings, if they are receptive, but do not try to teach them something that would cause their mind to be confused or upset. The most important thing is to do what you can to help the person have a peaceful and positive state of mind before and during their death. You can meditate, recite prayers, etc. in the person's presence, and also dedicate prayers or ask other to dedicate prayers for the sake of the person. 

3. How to help someone who is not a Buddhist 

If the dying person belongs to another religion, encourage them to have faith, to pray, to have positive thoughts, etc. in accordance with their religious beliefs and practices. Don't try to impose your own beliefs or try to convert them. 

If the person has no religion, but seems to be open-minded, you can try to talk about the Dharma. for example, about loving-kindness and compassion, about the truth of impermanence, about the 4 Noble Truths, etc. You can try to talk about the Buddha, taking refuge in the 3 Jewels, etc., but be sensitive -- don't be pushy, otherwise the person could become negative. If the person has no interest in religious or spiritual matters, find ways to talk to them that will help them to be free of anger, attachment, fear, etc., and to have a positive, peaceful state of mind. 

4. Helping by accumulating merit 

After the person has passed away, we can make prayers, offerings, liberate animals, do meditation, etc. -- any virtuous activities -- and dedicate the merits for the person to have a good rebirth, and to quickly become free from cyclic existence and attain enlightenment. It's good to use some of the person's own money to create merit, e.g. make donations to charity. Merit accumulated by family members is especially powerful and helpful. Doing virtuous actions and dedicating the merits to the deceased can help the person in the bardo (the intermediate state between death and the next life). However, once they have taken rebirth, the merit we dedicate may not help them in that life, but could help them in their subsequent rebirth, for example, shortening an unfortunate rebirth. 

The Eight Stages of the Death Process
Stage	Factors Dissolving	External Sign	Internal Sign	
<ALIGN=CENTER1	Earth element;
Form aggregate;
Eye sense;
Basic mirror-like wisdom.	Body becomes thin, shrinks, weaker;
Eyesight becomes unclear;
Unable to open & close eyes.
Forms become unclear.	Mirage	
<ALIGN=CENTER2	Water element;
Feeling aggregate;
Ear sense;
Wisdom of equality.	Body fluids dry up;
Body becomes numb;
Hearing ceases;
Bodily feelings cease.	Smoke	
<ALIGN=CENTER3	Fire element;
Discrimination aggregate;
Nose sense;
Basic wisdom of analysis.	Digestion ceases;
Forget life's affairs;
Inhalation weak, exhalation strong;
Smell ceases.
Can't remember names.	Sparks	
<ALIGN=CENTER4	Wind element;
Compositional factors aggregate;
Tongue & body senses;
Wisdom of achieving activities.	Breathing ceases;
Winds move to heart;
Body can't move;
Taste & touch cease;
Lose awareness of external activities, etc.	Dying flame	
<ALIGN=CENTER5	Consciousness aggregate;
Eighty conceptions.	Winds above heart enter into central channel.	White appearance	
<ALIGN=CENTER6	Mind of white appearance.	Winds below heart enter central channel	Red appearance	
<ALIGN=CENTER7	Mind of red increase.	Winds gather at heart.	Darkness, then unconsciousness	
<ALIGN=CENTER8	Mind of black near-attainment.	Winds dissolve into very subtle wind at heart.	Clear light	

PREPARING FOR DEATH AND HELPING THE DYING 
RECOMMENDED READING 

TRADITIONAL TIBETAN BUDDHIST TEACHINGS ON DEATH AND DYING 

·	Lama Lodo. Bardo Teachings. Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, 1987 
·	Lati Rinpochay and Jeffrey, Hopkins. Death, Intermediate State and Rebirth. Ithaca, NY Snow Lion, 1985 
·	Mullin, Glen H. Death and Dying: The Tibetan Tradition, London: Arkana, 1986 
·	Sogyal Rinpoche. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. San Francisco: HarperCollins. 1992 
·	Thurman, Robert A.F., trans. The Tibetan Book of the Dead. New York: Bantam Books, 1994 
·	
CARING FOR THE DYING 
·	Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying. New York: Collier, 1970 
·	_________. To Live Until We Say Goodbye. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1978 
·	Levine, Stephen. Who Dies? An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1982 
·	
THE LAM RIM TRADITION (the 9-point meditation on death) 
·	Dalai Lama III. Essence of Refined Gold. Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion, 1983 (this book has recently, been released under a new title: Path to Enlightenment, also published by Snow Lion) 
·	Geshe Acharya Thubten Loden. Path to Enlightenment in Tibetan Buddhism. Melbourne: Tushita Publications, 1993 
·	Pabongka Rinpoche. Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand. Boston: Wisdom, 1991 
·	Geshe Rabten. The Essential Nectar. Boston: Wisdom Publication, 1984 
·	
THE THOUGHT TRANSFORMATION TRADITION (the 5 Powers) 
·	Beresford, Brian, trans. Mind Training Like the Rays of the Sun. Dharamsala: Library, of Tibetan Works and Archives, 1992 
·	Gyalwa Gendun Druppa. Training the Mind in the Great Way. Ithaca, NY: Snow, Lion, 1993 trans. by Glenn H. Mullin 
·	Geshe Rabten and Geshe Ngawang Dhargyey. Advice from a Spiritual Friend. London: Wisdom, 1976, 1984 

Kadampa Center (a member of the FPMT) ... Raleigh, NC, USA