When People Don't Like You
cultivating the Way, sometimes you may find that you are unable to find
the Path, that you don't know how to go about cultivating. You may run
into a fork in the road and you don't know which way to go to. At that
time you need to have wisdom and samadhi power. You must also hold the
As to relationships with people, sometimes you may
be especially good to some people, but they return your kindness with
dislike. The better you are to them, the worse they will be to you.
When this state manifests, you must break your attachment. What
attachment? Your attachment to being good to people! When the better
you are to people and the worse they are to you, they are being your
"reverse" good knowing advisors. They are helping you learn to take it
easy when the going gets rough. This is based on experience in my own
cultivation. At every step along the way, I have encountered these
types of abuse and these sorts of tests. Abuse and tests occur just to
see whether you will still go forward or whether you'll retreat. If you
really understand, then in opposing and according states you will be
equally vigorous. There is a saying:
- If your ideas aren't working,
- look within yourself;
- If you are kind to people and they don't reciprocate,
- take a look at your kindness.
- If you give people orders and they don't follow them,
- take a look at your orders.
- If you pay respect to people and they don't return it,
- take a look at your manners.
Suppose you are very good to someone, but they won't get near you.
In that case, you have to return the light to see if your kindness is
really adequate. If it is, eventually you will influence them towards
the good. If people don't follow your instruction, return the light and
think, "Could I be laying power trips on people? If you nod or do a
half-bow when you see people but they act as if they didn't even see
you, once again, return the light: Do you really feel respectful
towards them? If you can always turn the light, you won't be far away
from the Path. You'll be on your way. This is very easy to talk about
but very difficult to do!
p. 121, Treasure Trove