Forgiveness Programme


Commitment Leads to Success

The most important step in the forgiveness process is deciding to do it. Any time when there is pain, tension, or disease, physically, emotionally, mentally, or in relationships, the application of the forgiveness process and restoration of the flow of love can produce benefits. The second most important step is deciding to complete it, whether it is just one process or your whole forgiveness agenda.

Many people feel overwhelmed at first, but as they learn it step by step, they get quicker at it. After a few faltering steps, children learn to walk. If you are reading this, you learned the letters of the alphabet, and how they form words and sentences. It seemed impossible at first, now you do it easily.

Deep down we all value love more than hate (blocked love). We know we have to master the practise of love - independently of external conditions, independently of the past or present behaviour of others, if we are to reach our best potential as human beings.

We know it is our responsibility to do this in the area and times where we find ourselves. It is unlikely that there is anything in this material that you did not already know, deep down inside you. My trust is that the material, combined with any follow-up group work that you will do, will enable you to bring the truth which you already knew out into the world of everyday, ordinary practical living.

You can click on any of the articles or steps here on this Contents Page. At the end of each article or Step you will be able to click on the next one in the Programme, or return to this Contents Page. There are specific things to do as you study and use each one. You will get the most out of the whole programme if you do them experientially. There are several cross-links between articles or Steps if this seemed appropriate. Thus you can work your way through this material in sequence, or in any order you choose. You may want to download various pages into your computer for later reference or even printing out on paper. Put together they would form a Forgiveness Manual similar to the one I provide for students in Forgiveness Seminars. The people who inspired this work are all acknowledged in the text, and I trust that if you use this material with others you, too, will acknowledge them. Their gift to us all has been great.

Introductory Section: Maps and Tools

These three articles are to help to prepare you to use the processes

The Need for forgiveness and the Purpose of using a Forgiveness Process

The Healing Journey

Demythologising forgiveness - truths and untruths

This article is to help you to find out whom you may need to forgive in order to become "clear"

Getting your Forgiveness Agenda

These five articles are to assist you with theoretical background related to the psychosynthesis framework for human development, and the way our bodies, emotions, minds, and souls can work together. You may also like to refer to them if you are not clear about the way some of the terms are used

Emotional Health - Feelings & befriending the so-called negative emotions

Levels of the Self

The Will & the Mind

Higher Self and some thoughts on Meditation

Psychological Laws

This article introduces the Aramaic words from the Code of Conduct of mind-sets which lead to right human relationships. Combined with the Forgiveness Processes, and Clear Communication skills this is a most powerful combination for bringing the ability to love into your life.

Patterns of Unconditional Love in Action - The Goodwill Patterns

The Forgiveness of Others Process

People seeking a forgiveness process can have very different needs. For example, one person's situation may emphasise the need for a lot of safe emotional release. For another, it may be that carefully upgrading negative belief systems is the most important. For another it may be clearing up misunderstandings about what forgiveness really is so that the choice to do it can be made wholeheartedly. Another may need reassurance that forgiveness will not make them weak, but will actually strengthen them. For another person, it may be that they have never really connected with their deep values, and so on. Each of the steps in the longer version has been included because someone at some time found it very important. Other people can manage perfectly well with the shorter version originally described by Edith Stauffer. For an article on the advantages and disadvantages of the long and short versions link to

Should I use the short or long version?

The basic version is given next so you can compare it with the more detailed version

Forgiveness of Others - Basic, shorter version

The longer, more detailed version giving Steps One to Seventeen

Step One - Understand the definition of the forgiveness process

Step Two - Weighing up your deep and superficial values to increase motivating force available for the process

Step Three - Weighing up Benefits and Burdens

Step Four - Making the Choice and Decision to Forgive

Step Five - Validating your Emotional Reality safely

Step Six - Your mental reality - Beliefs

Steps Seven & Eight - Preference Statements and the values underlying them

Step Nine - Acceptance of History

Step Ten - Forgiveness = Cancelling all conditions and demands

Step Eleven - The First Energy Reality: Self Healing

Step Twelve & Thirteen - The Second Energy Reality - Healing the Relationship

Step Fourteen - The Goodwill Patterns

Step Fifteen - Future Pacing

Step Sixteen - Check for Completion

Step Seventeen - Maintenance

Alternative imagery, shortened versions and the "Travelling Forgiveness"

Overcoming Obstacles during the Forgiveness Processes

The Self-Forgiveness Process

This article is based upon Edith Stauffer's introduction to Self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness, Introduction, the Will to live, and Healing the Inner Child

The basic version is given here so you can compare it with the more detailed version

Self-forgiveness process - Basic (shorter) version

The longer version, Steps One to Sixteen, evolved as people found that they needed more detail which took account of some of the obstacles they encountered.

Self-Forgiveness Step One - Understanding the Definition of Forgiveness

SF Step Two and Three - Mobilising the Will and Deciding to Forgive

SF Step Four - Making Request to the Higher Self

SF Step Five - Preference Statements: What would have worked best

SF Step Six - Affirmation of Intention to forgive and heal the past

SF Step Seven - Identifying with the Higher Self

SF Step Eight - The Act of Forgiveness = Cancellation

SF Step Nine - Healing the Inner Child

SF Step Ten - Intuition: Teaching from Within

SF Step Eleven - Responsibility returned to the personal self

SF Step Twelve - Fusion of Higher and Lower Self Realities

SF Step Thirteen - Grounding the forgiveness

SF Step Fourteen - Future Pacing

SF Steps Fifteen & Sixteen - Completion Check, Closure and Maintenance

Overcoming Obstacles during the Forgiveness Processes

Self-Forgiveness Process Summarised

This article introduces the Aramaic words from the Code of Conduct of mind-sets which lead to right human relationships. Combined with the Forgiveness Processes, and Clear Communication skills this is a most powerful combination for bringing the ability to love into your life.

Patterns of Unconditional Love in Action - The Goodwill Patterns

This article gives some thoughts on guiding another person through the processes and how to improve your guiding skills. Also a check-list for self assessment if you are guiding another person through these processes

Role of Guide and Guiding Skills

Taking it further - Action Circles or self-help groups, and forgiveness in couples, families, groups, nations, races and the potential for an International Year of Forgiveness

Where to from now? Follow up actions

Here is a list of references and resources for further inquiry into forgiveness, psychosynthesis, esoteric healing and training

References and Further Resources

Link here to go back to Forgiveness Home Page

A gentle word of caution:

Unless specifically requested by another person to share your experience of this material, you are asked to really work at applying this material in your own life before telling others about how good it would be for them! That might take you several months of a few hours regular work each week, unless you have a lot of free time.

A surgeon can learn about surgery without operating upon himself. But you will discover that you cannot learn about forgiveness and unconditional love without being willing to operate on yourself...

It is an ongoing task for us each to demonstrate these skills in the way we live and serve life forces on earth. People will want to learn from you and ask you about it when they see the difference it makes to your way of being in the world.