This step and Step Three have been described to me by one person as "Tuning in to the WII FM programme"- (the "What's In It For Me?" programme)
You will be asking yourself - What is really the most important thing to me - my health, or holding on to the resentment, grudge, bitterness etc?
You will have chosen the "problem" (opportunity) to work on (see "Getting your Forgiveness Agenda", and if not, to recapitulate:
1. You may already know who it is you need to forgive
2. Biofeedback from your own body using Muscle Response Testing (MRT) can give you a "print-out" of the people you need to forgive. Check your body for any related areas of pain, tension, or disease. How much are the memory traces affect or weaken you? Do you really want that to continue unhealed? Muscle testing done before and after the process can show you how fully you have completed it.
Reminder: Doing the process physically is more effective than just thinking about it. Speak it aloud or write it, and feel the process as it affects your body. Doing it aloud or in writing "embodies" the healing pattern of forgiveness for you in your nervous system, muscles and glands (just as the original memory was "embodied" in these when you were upset, hurt, angry, humiliated, frightened etc).
At each step, check your willingness - are you willing to take the next step?
FORGIVER, say or write:
1. "I value and am committed to my health, creativity and strength more than justifications, recriminations, or any form of self-harm or self-punishment."
2. "I value and am committed to human dignity and right human relationships more than holding on to resentments, grudge, humiliation, etc."
3. "I value and am committed to the full flow of Life Energy more than its diminishment or blockage, through me or anyone else."
4. "I value and am committed to my freedom more than continued imprisonment, "marinating" in my own emotional toxicity."
5. "I value and am committed to joy more than joylessness."
6. "I value and am committed to being well more than being ill."
7. "I value and am committed to feeling worthwhile and dignified more than feeling shamed, humiliated or bitter."
8. I value and am committed to inner peace more than irritation and imperil."
("Imperil" describes the physical effects of negative emotions on the body, - for example, hypertension, muscle tension and postural imbalance, accidents, gut and breathing disorders, free radical proliferation and tissue degeneration, and so on).
9. "I value and am committed to Love more than hatred, resentment, or apathy."
10. Or, make a statement which accurately sets out your own motivations if they are not covered here, these are just ones that other people have found helpful:
eg. "I value and am committed to............ more than ................."
With each statement, be very alert and aware of your own reactions to it. How much is it true for you? Is it true 100%, or only partially? If it is not quite true for you now, do you want it to be true and are you willing to make it true?
Use any inner reactions you may have to become aware of how much you really want to heal yourself of the effects of the resentment, grudge, hurt, etc. Sometimes people have spent a whole session with me working with this step, overcoming their resistances to forgiveness.
As they brought their outer action into line with the deeper, more enduring and wholesome values, their willingness to forgive became stronger and stronger.
Sometimes you may want to go on being "right" rather than to be well... Well, here is some news: Being angry and resentful about what someone did to you does not control them. In fact, the reverse is true - their every move controls you. They have only to come into the same room or even into your thoughts, and your muscles will tense, your blood pressure rise, or some other aspect of your body be harmfully altered.
If you are still suffering as a result of something that someone did, the question must be asked of you - "How much longer do you want to go on suffering?" The Forgiveness Process is a way of freeing yourself from that suffering. In fact, I can tell you, after working with this process since 1980, that relief is the commonest side effect of forgiveness I have seen in my clinical practise.
Are you willing and ready to go on to the next step? If so go to Step Three - Benefits and Burdens
Link here to return to Forgiveness Programme - Contents