This step also helps you to revise and remember them and bring them into your life and relationships. As you say/write these words to the one you have forgiven, are they true for you? Feel your reaction to them. If they are not true, can you make them so? Can you see which ones you need to develop more in yourself? If you are not yet sure what these Goodwill Patterns and Aramaic words are about or want to revise them go to Patterns of Unconditional Love in Action - The Goodwill Patterns
FORGIVER, say or write (as if to the one being forgiven):
You do not have to change (or to have been different in the past)
(i) for me to practise calm poise and inner peace,
(ii) for me to serve the cause of peace,
(iii) for me to decide to remain calm and peaceful even when being harassed. (=Rukha)
You do not have to change (or have been different) for me to recognise, accept, and develop the good in myself.
You do not have to change for me to look for, and recognise the good in you, - and to tell it to others. (that is, to give attention and energy to it, and draw it forth).
You do not have to change for me to imagine the best that you and I, and our relationship, could yet become. (=Khooba)
You do not have to change for me to understand my own needs and to act harmlessly to get them met.
You do not have to change for me to seek to understand your needs the way they are from your position in life and with your life history.
You do not have to change for me to be willing to meet your needs, or help you meet your needs, if it practical for me to do so. (=Makikh)
You do not have to change for me to be glad and joyful when I find and remove any blocks to love ("errors") I have in my own mind. (=Abilii)
(Such errors (being "off-target") could be: criticism, blaming, hating of yourself or others, false guilt or fear, resentment, excessive grieving, depressing yourself, envy, holding expectations, not giving responsibility, withholding love, unforgivingness, closing yourself off, looking for and recounting the bad, not being fair-to-all, illness or death wishes, or any of the items on the list of occasions for self-forgiveness (you can always revisit the list of negative beliefs and behaviours derived when you did "Getting you Forgiveness Agenda" )
You do not have to change for me to work towards what is Fairest for All in any situation, more than merely what is just in law, or for revenge. (=Kenoota)
You do not have to change for me to step back and see the Big Picture, (= to see a person's life as a whole, to lift up to a wiser and more inclusive perspective, to try to understand the different viewpoints of everyone else, and the interconnectedness of everything and everyone). (=Holistic vision, vision without faults in the mind, or Dadcean Libhoun)
You do not have to change for me to practise Unconditional Love and Goodwill in both thought and action." (=Rakhma)
These are the Goodwill Patterns, mind-sets which will lead to Right Human Relationships WHENEVER & WHEREVER THEY ARE PRACTISED. They are described in detail in the section on the Goodwill Patterns.
Step 14 helps you to recognise which mindsets and skills you need to develop more, and which ones you are already good at.
If you can, and you feel it to be right for you to do so, you may now be able to feel gratitude to this person as someone who has helped you (directly or indirectly) to learn more about the nature of love. They have thus helped your development as a human being. This realisation can be the gift of many forgiveness processes, perhaps, if not immediately, it may come to you at some later time.
Are you ready for the next step?
If so, go on to Step Fifteen - Future Pacing
Link here to go back to Forgiveness Programme - Contents